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Natural Ways to Manage Stress and Anxiety

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n a world filled with uncertainty and angst, it is important to have an arsenal of tools to combat and relieve stress and anxiety. The quick fixes of solacing yourself with foods high in sugar and fat or consuming alcoholic beverages can only get you so far without having some backlash.

To some degree, we all experience stress and anxiety and I get it! The school workload can seem like way too much to handle. Another demand at work and you will snap. Your kid gives you an attitude for the umteenth time and you’ve had it. Another breaking news headline to strike fear and anxiety into your being. And yet another post on social media about how things are looking grim and the end of the world is near.

Here’s my newsflash! It’s time to take a step back and take control of your thoughts, feelings, and how you view and react to life’s daily happenings. It’s true, there is a level of toxicity in our world and we do have problems that need fixing. However, we also live in a world that is a beautiful place filled with warm, compassionate and caring human beings, and we have so much to see, do, and offer to others. Motivational speaker Zig Ziglar once said, “When you focus on problems, you get more problems. When you focus on possibilities, you have more opportunities.” True that!

As a teacher, I see when children hit that “overload threshold.” I, too, experience the daily challenges of working with teens and tweens, striving to attend to their individual needs and being a source of support, guidance, and encouragement, all while being their teacher.

No matter how we spend our time each day, we all have to deal with something that can trigger stress and anxiety. We are, in fact, social creatures who feel and respond to our surroundings. The key thing is having strategies to respond to different situations and feeling confident that all is and will be just fine!

The next time you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or that you just can’t carry on the way you are going any longer, implement these tips into your daily routine:

  • Be present – Spend more time thinking about the current moment and less time worrying about the future. Act slowly and consciously and take time to pay attention to your surroundings. That may mean doing absolutely nothing for five minutes. Taking time to actively listen to someone when they are speaking and not thinking about what you have to do next can keep things more grounded. One thing that has worked for me when I feel like I am getting anxious or worked up about something is to focus on one thing in particular and take 10 slow, deep breaths.
  • Exercise regularly – Research shows that getting sufficient exercise each day helps maintain not only a healthy body, but also a healthy and tuned up mental state. Physical activity produces natural painkillers called endorphins, which aid in stress reduction. Furthermore, exercise is effective at improving alertness, concentration, energy levels, and enhances overall cognitive functioning.1
  • Have a balanced diet – Include a wide assortment of healthy foods into your diet. Stick to a variety of fruits, vegetables, and legumes. Avoid alcohol, caffeine, and foods that are high in sugar and can spike your insulin levels and throw your “mood-o-meter” for a whack! Drink plenty of water. Consume whole grain cereals, breads, and pasta. Enjoy a moderation of fish and poultry. Limit your intake of red meat.
  • Do something that is fun and for yourself – It is so important to have a healthy outlet for the day’s stresses. For some people, writing is their therapy. Others may enjoy reading as a form of escaping reality. Simply find time to unwind and decompress on a regular basis doing something you love. Play with a pet, listen to music, get a massage, watch a favorite television show or movie. Just like your cell phone, your own personal batteries need to be recharged each day to full capacity.

For a complete guide to help you and your family’s overall well-being, from all things healthy home to eating, moving, sleeping, and thinking well strategies, grab a free copy of my 25-page WHOLE LOTTA LIVING GUIDE here.

During the holiday season, with the purchase of my new life transforming program 30 Days to Finding You: Your 10 Step Personal Happiness Formula you will also receive a free copy of my bestselling book The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens: Strategies for Unlocking Your Child’s Full Potential. When you purchase this program, please be sure to enter the discount code FREEBOOK to receive the free copy.

To a Peaceful Mind, Body, and Spirit!

Sources:

1 “Physical Activity Reduces Stress.” Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA, adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/other-related-conditions/stress/physical-activity-reduces-st.

Teaching Children to Confront Bullying

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grew up in a small suburban town in Connecticut where I was surrounded by kids my age and older in my neighborhood. I didn’t have a lot of friends, but there were a few. One of my good friends lived up the road from me. So many times I wanted to go play with him over his house, but it was not always possible. The problem was that along the path to my friend’s home, there were kids who were bullies and every time they saw me walking, they targeted me. In fact, one of them was a ring leader of the pack who I had to face in my neighborhood, on the bus and at school in my class every single day. Unfortunately, at that time I didn’t have the necessary skills to adequately confront bullying.

I will tell you that there is nothing worse than a child feeling unsafe inside or outside of school when they come face-to-face with someone they fear. Take it from me and the millions of other children past and present who have been on the receiving end of being the victims of bullying.

However, there is always hope. There are definitely some things that can be done to prevent bullying. Before it takes place, it is very important to teach children some techniques and one of them is to stand up for themselves and others. So, how do you do it? How do you teach a child to stand up for himself and others? Below you will find some helpful strategies.

1. Teach a Child to Speak Up 

Encourage your child to say something and not be quiet if he or someone else is not treated right. I remember telling the teacher when I would be repeatedly picked on and physically abused. Unfortunately, that didn’t work. The real key to putting out the flame when bullying takes place is to eliminate its source. Oftentimes, bullies feed off of an audience, or bystanders.

I’ve been in a number of situations growing up where I was face-to-face with a bully and other kids would stand there watching, even laughing and saying nothing to stop the verbal and physical onslaught that was ensuing. To all parents out there… it is sooooo important to teach your child that if they are on the receiving end of someone attacking them in some way, they should speak assertively to tell that person to “cut it out” or “knock it off” and then try to remove themselves from the situation. If the situation persists, encourage your child to align with other peers, as allies, to unite against this kind of behavior and tell a trusted adult.

If your child is not the target of bullying, encourage them to become an ally with someone who is being picked on. Standing by and watching any bullying behavior take place only makes the problem continue. It is important for the child to speak up and report any bullying behavior immediately.

 2. Teach a Child Respect and Empathy

The constant name calling, social isolation, and physical altercations were all too often a part of my experiences growing up and something that could have been prevented with some education in understanding. No one should be treated poorly for any reason. Children should respect their peers, teachers, and parents. Likewise, parents and teachers should respect children. No matter the age, gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, height, weight, or personal likes and preferences, children must be taught that everyone is unique and should be valued for who they are.

Cultivating empathy early on in a child’s life is crucial for their social and emotional growth and development. Children are more likely to demonstrate empathy toward others when they themselves feel a sense of emotional security from their parents. Teaching a child empathy not only allows a child to understand the perspective of others, but also helps them come up with constructive ways to handle negative emotions.

3. Teach a Child Leadership Skills

Winston Churchill once said, “Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities…because it is the quality which guarantees all others.” Healthy relationships are cultivated out of developing an understanding for one another and standing up to do the right thing.

Some people will argue that leaders are born, while others will insist that leaders are made. When children are taught effective character building skills that include having empathy for others, celebrating each other’s differences, and embracing diversity, they become more aware of each other’s needs and respond in ways to support each other. I am a strong supporter of getting a child involved in leadership activities when they are young, where they have opportunities to use their voice for change. Whether it be sports, clubs and/or community service activities, there are many outstanding ways to give a child an opportunity to be seen and heard in a positive light.

4. Model Self-Love and Kindness to Others

Children are always observing their surroundings, particularly the actions of adult role models. There is no greater strength in leading a child to make wise decisions than to personally model that behavior. When your child sees that you live your life by taking care of your well-being, acting from a place of love rather than fear or hate when handling situations, respecting and being kind to yourself and others, then she internalizes the value and worth in positive behaviors and actions. This act of respect and kindness extends beyond the confines of the school and home. It spans into everyday life at the grocery store, gas station, library, bank, or anywhere we go and meet people.

5. Teach a Child Confidence 

In today’s world, it is easy to become influenced by the prevailing messages received from the media, which are often filled with violence, hatred, anti-this and anti-that movements.  It is not very uncommon for some people to hide behind the walls of social media and say something derogatory or dejecting to put someone down.

It is very important to nurture confidence in your child. Developing the skills of confidence build’s a young person’s self-esteem and prepares them for a world filled with challenges. Build confidence in your child by involving her in different activities after school, giving tasks to be accomplished, demonstrating how to stand up and take charge of situations boldly and bravely by doing what’s right versus what’s popular. Being an ally to someone in need and helping someone who feels down is a major step toward becoming a leader, developing positive relationships with others and living a life of great purpose.

In my new book, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens, I provide parents with the tools and strategies to help children navigate bullying and violence, along with the other challenges they face throughout their tween and teen years.

For a complete guide to help you and your family’s overall well-being, from all things healthy home to eating, moving, sleeping, and thinking well strategies, grab a free copy of my 25-page WHOLE LOTTA LIVING GUIDE here.

To Teaching a Child to Stand Strong!

Five Ways to Relax After a Crazy Day

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o here you are again, another long day at work and coming home to more responsibilities that await you. You just want to unwind from the day, yet don’t know how you can find the time. The truth is that we prioritize our schedule, consciously or unconsciously,  based on what we truly value . The important point is that you find the time and dedicate it to your personal well-being on a daily basis.

Once you develop a routine for taking at least 30 minutes a day for yourself, you will experience more joy and renewed energy. However, most people spend their time repeating previous patterns and have difficulty breaking this vicious cycle.

Here are five things you can do today to get more relaxed when you get home from work:

1. Meditate

Some people are early risers, others are night owls, and then there are those who are a bit of both. There is no perfect time or way to meditate. The important thing is that you find time to squeeze 5-10 minutes practicing some form of meditation that appeals to you. You don’t have to be an expert at meditating and have these ridiculously long sessions in order to reap the benefits. In my opinion, just showing up is more than half the battle. As long as you are consistent, even just a few minutes, is better than nothing at all.

A quick and easy one that I like is a 5-minute “return to breathing” meditation where you focus your attention on fully breathing where both the chest and abdomen regions distend fully. I prefer sitting with my eyes closed, but you can leave them open if you’d like. The key features to this meditation is that you restore your attention back to your breathing, feeling the sensations both in… and out.

2. Watch Something Light on Television

It is the golden age of television right now and there are so many shows to choose from that are uplifting, funny, and entertaining. I am a big fan of shows on The Hallmark Channel. You can ensure that nothing of a downer or derogatory will appear on any of the programming. If you are into cooking, there are so many shows on the Cooking Channel that can whet your appetite and also give you a tour of different people’s cultures when it comes to food.  For virtual tours around the world and all things home design, decoration, and remodeling, HGTV provides some outstanding programming for your enjoyment. Whatever floats your boat, you want something that is pleasurable and not ridden with negativity.

3. Enjoy a Cup of Tea and Do Some Journaling

Having that time to express your thoughts is very therapeutic. I go to my “life journal” from time-to-time to convey my feelings and express any revelations that I discover. I know that my “better self” will be there listening without judgment and accept me with open arms. Couple that with a warm cup of tea and you have a recipe for releasing tension and feeling more relaxed.

Tea is only second to coffee as the most popular drink worldwide. There are so many reasons to enjoy a nice hot cup of tea. For starters, there are so many different flavors of tea and they all offer a variety of health benefits for the mind and body. Tea has been shown to lower stress levels, provide antioxidants to protect against damage to cells, strengthen the immune system, and increase longevity.1 My personal favorite stress-reducing teas that I enjoy include chamomile, peppermint, ginger, lavender, and lemon verbena.

4. Read a Book

According to research from the University of Sussex in the U.K., psychologists suggest that reading a book, for even six minutes, can reduce your stress levels faster than listening to music or going for a walk. Researchers state that reading a book can decrease stress levels by 68%. The mere act of reading printed words puts the mind into an altered state of consciousness that promotes imagination and stimulates creativity.2 Even if you read only a chapter or a few pages a day of something you enjoy, you are creating a relaxation habit that can only serve you.

5. Do Something Creative

Feed your imagination and starve your boredom by engaging in something that makes you feel alive and gives you that spark for life. Scientists have discovered that the most creative moments manifest when a person is at rest and relaxed rather than feeling stressed and overworked.3 My creative outlets include jamming out on the piano, guitar, and drums, finding time to get in some physical activity, and what I am doing right now in writing to help you find your peaceful self.

For a complete guide to help you and your family’s overall well-being, from all things healthy home to eating, moving, sleeping, and thinking well strategies, grab a free copy of my 25-page WHOLE LOTTA LIVING GUIDE here.

In my new audio program, 30 Days to Finding You: Your 10 Step Personal Happiness Formula you will be guided through the 10 principles that can transform how you feel and help guide you toward your highest mission and purpose on this planet, while experiencing joy and fulfillment. In this program you will also receive an e-workbook with exercises for each principle.

To Your Sanity!

Sources:

7 Awesome Reasons to Enjoy a Cup of Tea.” Wellness Today, www.wellnesstoday.com/nutrition/7-awesome-reasons-to-enjoy-a-cup-of-tea.

Reading ‘Can Help Reduce Stress’.” The Telegraph, Telegraph Media Group, 30 Mar. 2009, www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/news/5070874/Reading-can-help-reduce-stress.html.

3James, Geoffrey. “Neuroscience: Relaxing Makes You More Creative.” Inc.com, Inc., www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/neuroscience-relaxing-makes-you-more-creative.html.

How to Connect With a Disconnected Child

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 ust the other day, while dining at the restaurant and waiting for the waitress to come back with the check, I noticed  a family of four sitting across  my table and waiting for their meal. They were just a couple of feet apart from each other. Yet, all four of them were busy checking their phones. What may seem like just “killing time” as a technology distraction until their meals arrived was really a lost opportunity for making family connection.

1. Do Not Allow Any Electronic Devices At The Dinner Table

Dinner is a time for spending quality family time together, while not only enjoying a meal, but also everyone’s company. It is a time to catch up on the day’s events and allow each person to express their joys, concerns, frustrations, excitement, and whatever else is going on in their lives.

Keep it simple during meal time and have a designated area for any electronic devices. In addition to being a distraction away from quality family time, it is also very unsanitary to have phones and other devices around the area you eat. Research has shown that cell phones are much dirtier than most people realize. Scientists at the University of Arizona have found that cell phones carry 10 times more bacteria than most toilet seats. Studies have found serious pathogens on cell phones, including Streptococcus, MRSA, and E. coli.1 Considering the fact that many people travel to the bathroom with their phones increases the exposure to having all of these microbes on the phone.

2. Listen To Understand Not To Reprimand

It is easy to have that knee jerk reaction with a child and want to impart your two cents of wisdom when they open their mouths. However, The Golden Rule to remember with kids is that they want to feel understood and that they are being heard. When we allow children  to speak their minds freely without fear of judgment, they feel valued and empowered and are more willing to share with you what is really on their minds.

One tip to keep the conversation going is that instead of replying right away to your child, take a moment to ask them a question or repeat back what they said to you. Acknowledging that your child’s words matter to you and that you are interested in what they have to say will go along way, especially as their issues become more serious and of higher stakes as they get older.

3. Do Family Activities That Require Everyone To Be Present

I see it every day with the students I teach at school. The kids are outside on the blacktop with their earbuds and headphones on, scrolling through their phones and texting their friends. Their level of awareness to their surrounding environment and each other is minimal and has taken a backseat for their need to “stay connected.” How ironic!

Maybe this is a sign of the times that shows how much technology has infiltrated into our waking moments. However, this does not have to be the be-all and end-all for how things become with you and your child.

My advice: Make it a priority to do a family activity as often as possible throughout the week that involves little to no technology. Designate a specific time to take a walk together, have a catch, play a board game, or do something creative that doesn’t involve electronic device usage. Keep it fun and interactive and let your child come up with a game that gets the whole family involved. I personally love Bananagrams – the anagram game that drives all family bananas – in a good and fun way!

4. Set The Household Guidelines For Technology Use

As a parent, you are the head of your household and the one in charge of making the rules. Like it or not, technology is an integral part of our society nowadays. I can tell you that overly restricting your child access to technology can send a message that technology is something to fear or that it is a bad thing that may have the reverse effect to what you are trying to accomplish. Instead, teach your child moderation by setting a limit on technology use and uphold your rules. The sooner you set limits and enforce them regularly, the easier it will be for your children to develop healthy habits toward using technology, in general.

As it is important to monitor the length of time a child uses technology, it is equally (if not more) important to teach children about appropriate use of technology. From an early age, discuss the importance of being respectful toward others and their privacy. Communicate how their actions leave a digital permanence that can follow them as they get older. Encourage them to speak up and stand against cyberbullying, as its effect on a child’s psyche and mental health can be quite profound and long-lasting.

In my new book, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens, I provide parents with the tools and strategies to effectively communicate with their children and make a deep connection for a lifetime and how to prevent and best address the problems that affect teens and tweens.

For a complete guide to help you and your family’s overall well-being, from all things healthy home to eating, moving, sleeping, and thinking well strategies, grab a free copy of my 25-page WHOLE LOTTA LIVING GUIDE here.

To Making That Connection!

Sources:

1 Kõljalg, Siiri, et al. “High Level Bacterial Contamination of Secondary School Students’ Mobile Phones.” Germs, Asociația Pentru Creşterea Vizibilității Cercetării Ştiințifice (ACVCS), 2017, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5466825/.

Is It Okay to Be Selfish?

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e probably know someone in our lives who demonstrates “selfish behavior.” The paradigm in our society about this kind of behavior is that it is a bad thing. Some people even call it immoral. It seems that when someone is being selfish, their behaviors and actions are all driven from their personal desires and needs. But before we go any further and jump to any conclusions as to whether this type of behavior is truly a bad thing or not, we must understand that not all selfishness is created equal.

Redefining Selfish

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines selfish as “concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage or well-being without regard for others.”1  In the strict sense of the word, behaving “selfishly” is to benefit oneself in a way that can disregard another person’s social, emotional, physical, and overall well-being to the point of knowingly causing harm.

Here are some signs of “bad selfish behavior” to look out for:

  • When someone is always in the mode of “take, take, take” and never giving back in some way that is genuine.
  • When the person you are around is more concerned about hearing the sound of their own voice much more than what you have to say,
  • The one-sided conversation or relationship when all that matters to the person is what is happening in their lives.
  • When a person is unwilling to compromise or do something that interests you also.
  • When a person’s advice or actions are strictly rooted in their own benefit despite that it may harm another individual.
  • When a person is constantly laying blame or guilt tripping you into making decisions.

Nevertheless, we hear that it is better to give than receive…but at what cost? Being of service is a big part of a person’s personal happiness. But it’s one thing to care about others and look out for them, especially your family and friends. It’s another thing to spend every moment taking care of everyone else’s needs to the point of exhaustion where it starts to affect your psychological and physical well-being.

When you have children, they become your number one responsibility and rightfully so. However, it is very important to recharge your batteries from time-to-time because it is very difficult to give to your family if you are exhausted and your emotional jar is drained.

It’s Okay to Say NO!

Does it make you a bad person to decline something for your own benefit? If you feel like you want to say NO to some invitation to go somewhere or do something, then say it! Don’t say YES just because you don’t want someone to feel bad. When you do that, you are really neglecting yourself and your needs.

Have you ever felt like I have before? You work a long week and someone invites you somewhere and you just don’t feel like going for whatever reason. Maybe you don’t want to be caught up in gossip, drama, or negativity. Or maybe you are just tired from a long week and want to spend time alone to rest and recharge.

The Selfish Gauge

Ask yourself the following questions next time you are questioning if your behavior is truly “selfish.”

  • Is what you are doing helping or hurting your emotional well-being?
  • Is your behavior good for you and neutral or benefiting others or is your behavior  harming others?
  • Is what you are doing serving your highest values in helping you achieve your dreams or is it compromising them in some way for someone else’s desires?

It is vital to take care of yourself at all costs. If you are staying in a particular situation because you are worried about being selfish for leaving and it is affecting your health, it’s time for a change. Sometimes it can be as simple as taking a day off from work or getting a babysitter for the kids while you do something for yourself. It could be politely declining someone’s request, leaving a job you can’t stand or breaking off a toxic relationship.

If you would like to learn how to completely regain balance, joy, and happiness in your life starting today, while handling all of life’s day-to-day responsibilities, download my new program “30 Days to Finding You.” I walk you through my 10-Step Personal Happiness Formula that can be specifically applied for your life. Click here to learn more.

To A Great YOU!

Sources:

Merriam-Webster. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/selfish

3 Things Parents Must Know at the Start of the New School Year

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etting out of the summer mode is oftentimes a challenge for kids. This past school year, I had so much fun in creating a music video titled “Hired to Inspire” based on a song I had written to reinvigorate educators, kids, and parents for a new school year. Together as teachers, parents, and the entire community, we can inspire a generation of children…one child at a time. Here is the link to check out the new video “Hired to Inspire.” Getting back into a routine for the new school year and reestablishing structure means setting the ground rules on bedtime, a regular place and time to do homework, time they can spend with friends and using all kinds of electronics. Ease the transition by invoking these routines early on at the start of school as it does take time for children to get adjusted and back to old routines. This will help a child develop good habits for the entire school year.

1. How to help your child get back into the school routine and manage their schedule

As students get into middle and certainly high school, children, as well as parents, may be unaware of the daily demands of homework load, and children can be easily overwhelmed with all of the daily demands of homework, studying for quizzes and tests, and completing various projects. The solution is to get back to routines. I recommend getting them a wall calendar that they can themselves write down their weekly schedule so they can visualize what needs to be done and plan accordingly to accomplish those tasks. Having a quiet place to do homework at a consistent time, preferably in a place that you can see them doing homework so they know that you see them, is very important.

2. How to regulate their daily use of technology

Children often don’t realize the potential dangers or consequences of technology overuse. Therefore, when regulating technology, it is important to clearly communicate the expectations you set forth as parents for your child. Depending on maturity level and your child’s level of responsibility, you may want to limit their access to social media or have access to their passwords. Setting limits to screen time is very important and the US Department of Health recommends that children under two should not be in front of a screen at all and over that age the maximum leisure screen time should be no more than two hours a day.1

In setting your expectations as a parent, you want to ask yourself the question, “What devices will you allow your child to use, for how long, and how will you monitor their activity? Set limits on electronics use, especially cell phone, to prevent that from becoming a distraction, so they are able to complete homework in a time efficient, high quality manner and also maintain an active, healthy lifestyle.

3. How to motivate your child using the right kind of praise 

Finding a way to get your child motivated academically or at home to perform chores around the house can be a challenge. You may wonder when is the right time to use praise and how much of it should I use to encourage desired behavior. First off, not all praise if created equally. When you use praise to encourage a child’s actions or successes, be sure to focus on the effort that a child puts forth, as opposed to specific traits of a child. Avoid using words like “intelligent,” “athletic,” “good,” and “bad”as those are things that children see as fixed and cannot be changed. Children can then associate their successes or failures based on these “fixed traits” that cannot be changed.

When giving praise, use it sparingly and be sure that it is used with a purpose that is specific and genuine. Avoid using praise for failures or low-challenging or low-achieving activities. Kids know when you are giving them “pity praise” and when you really mean it. The goal of praise is not to make a child dependent on it, but for them to feel empowered that they are capable of achieving greatness on their own.

In my new book, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens, I provide parents with a variety of in depth activities and strategies to help motivate a child and achieve success, while decreasing stress levels, improving happiness, self-awareness, and self-esteem, and becoming a smart, successful, and self-disciplined individual.For a complete guide to help you and your family’s overall well-being, from all things healthy home to eating, moving, sleeping, and thinking well strategies, grab a free copy of my 25-page WHOLE LOTTA LIVING GUIDE here.

To A Great School Year Ahead!

Sources:

Boyle, D. & Hodge, J. (2017). How to Manage Techno Tantrums.

Practicing Mindfulness This Summer

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ust the other day I was waiting in line at the grocery store and I noticed that on the cover of Time magazine was a female with her eyes closed and the title said “MINDFULNESS: The New Science of Health and Happiness.” Now, minded (no pun intended) that I teach children about science for a living, and the one thing that I emphasize to them is that science is everything. Without a doubt, this holds true to the effect of mindfulness on one’s health and happiness. What begs the question, though, is that behind all this science, is there a magic formula to obtain these two big Hs?

So What Is Mindfulness?

This concept has recently found its way from the East to the West and has become a part of many workplaces, schools, and institutions. It is slowly proving beneficial for not only educators, but also for students. Scientists are working to show how people can change their mind and body through the practice of being more mindful. How I see it, being mindful is having a mind that is full. Full of what, you might ask? THE PRESENT MOMENT.

The Latest Research on Mindfulness

Over the past 10-15 years, research has demonstrated the positive effects of mindfulness practice on one’s social, emotional, and physical well-being. Mindfulness through meditation practice has shown to influence the structure and neural patterns present in the brain. There has been evidence that suggests that this practice improves self-esteem, attention, sensory processing, emotional regulation, quality of sleep, and overall health.1 Based on reports in levels of the stress hormone cortisol, individuals who regularly engage in mindfulness practices have reported less stress, anxiety, depression, and anger. 1

There has also been a link between regular mindfulness practice and quality of communication between intimate partners.2 This, in turn, has also been beneficial in terms of daily interactions that parents have with their children and the increased satisfaction in their own parenting skills.3

How to Introduce Mindfulness Into Your Daily Routine

Being present is being full of groundedness in your feelings and in touch with your emotions as they exist now. Some people call it the “practice of meditation.” Many practitioners focus on “conscious breathing” while being mindful.

At a conference I attended this past school year, the presenter began by having all 400+ of us in attendance sit quietly with our eyes closed, while either sitting on the floor or in our chairs. He had us perform a progressive muscle relaxation technique.

We began the exercise by taking three deep belly breaths and slowly exhaling. While doing so, we imagined that any tension we had in our body would go away. We started by focusing on the muscles in our face relaxing and worked down our neck and then to our back and releasing any tension down our arms and out our fingertips. He pointed out that while we were relaxing that we should feel this mental and physical shift downward and slowly becoming more grounded in our position with each breath. Then, we inhaled through our nose and while slowly exhaling out our mouth, we visualized our lower body releasing up pent up tension in a similar manner – down our thighs, knees, lower legs and out our toes.

There are so many variations and styles to mindful practice. One of my personal favorites is through the moving meditation exercise of Tai Chi Ch’uan.  I am a bodily-kinesthetic kind of guy where doing something active and moving around is quite relaxing. I will also take a trip to the local golf course and spend time chipping, putting, and hitting balls. Other times, I enjoy shooting some hoops by myself. The point to mindfulness is that it enhances your self-awareness and increases your physical and emotional state of relaxation.

For some people, awareness comes in the form of mindful listening to peaceful music and performing relaxation breathing. Others enjoy mindful writing and keeping a journal or expressing their awareness and present emotions through drawing or painting pictures. You can also be mindful when you eat or drink something. Noticing the food’s texture, aroma, and taste would be a great way to do this.

At a faculty meeting, we were all asked to be mindful of a Hershey Kiss – looking at its shape, examining the color of the wrapper and feel of the wrapper. As we began to take off the wrapper, we were asked to do so slowly and consider the technique we were using to remove the wrapper, while listening to the sound of removing the wrapper. Then, we were instructed to slowly raise our hand to our mouth and examine our feelings to the anticipation of the candy entering our mouths to the moment of entry and the changes in those emotions. This exercise helped us all to become better aware of the present moment.

Post-Mindfulness Reflections

When you have finished your mindfulness activity, you can reflect by asking yourself:

  • What were you thinking throughout the activity?
  • Were your thoughts shifting?
  • Did you have trouble paying attention? If so, were there other thoughts going on at the time? Were they positive and/or negative? Past, present, and/or future thoughts? Were you physically uncomfortable?
  • Did you feel more relaxed, more anxious, or about the same upon completing the activity?
  • Has your ability to be in the present moment changed since doing the activity?

Research has shown that mindfulness practice can also benefit children and adolescents. Studies have shown an improvement in academic performance and a reduction in symptoms of anxiety in youth who practice mindfulness.4 In my new book, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens, I provide parents with a variety of activities and strategies to help a child achieve success, while decreasing stress levels, improving happiness, self-awareness, and self-esteem, and becoming a smart, successful, and self-disciplined individual.

For a complete guide to help you and your family’s overall well-being, from all things healthy home to eating, moving, sleeping, and thinking well strategies, grab a free copy of my 25-page WHOLE LOTTA LIVING GUIDE here.

To Being More Mindful Today!

Sources:

Lazar, S., et al. (2005). Meditation experience is associated with increased cortical thickness. NeuroReport, 16(17), 1893-1897.

2 Barnes, S., et al. (2007). The role of mindfulness in romantic relationship satisfaction and response tO relationship stress. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 33(4), 482-500.

3 Hutcherson, C., et al. (2008). Loving-Kindness Meditation Increases Social Connectedness. Emotion, 8(5), 720-724.

Semple, R., Reid, E., & Miller, L. (2005). Treating Anxiety with Mindfulness: An Open Trial of Mindfulness Training for Anxious Children. Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy, 19(4), 379-392.

The Effects of Anxiety and Anger on a Child

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hildren suffer from anxiety for a number of reasons. Before the start of a new school year, encountering a select group of peers at school, auditioning for a role in the school play, trying out for a sports team, and right before taking tests are times when a child may experience anxiety. This is nothing out of the ordinary. However, anxiety becomes a serious concern for children when it starts to interfere with their day-to-day activities. They may try to avoid certain situations or certain people. Some children are more susceptible to anxiety. This is especially the case if a child regularly experiences family conflict, arguments, is bullied, or feels unsafe in a particular environment.

And then there are students I’ve had who have gotten upset over the littlest things. At times, I’ve seen students push others in a shoving match. When I came over to address the issue, the student would go ballistic and lose control of their emotions. More times than not, the kids who act out in school are doing so because something is either going on at home or with their peers. The intimidating, mean-spirited behaviors are often a result of some sort of trauma experienced by the child at home or at school. They come into school on guard, ready to battle and they misperceive their peers’ and teachers’ cues, resulting in hostile and highly combative behavior.

How to Manage a Child’s Anxiety/Anger and Exposure to Violence

It is very important to sit down with your child and allow them to safely express their emotions and tell you what is going on and causing their high level of anxiety or what is making them feel upset. One thing you can do to alleviate your child’s stress is to limit the amount of technology that they are exposed to, in particular violent content. Refocus your child on getting involved in activities that are positive in nature and involve positive interactions in a team-building way with their peers.

Refrain from imparting your own fears or anxiety onto your child and rather than protecting your child from feeling anxious, teach them strategies to best manage and deal with it successfully. In my new book, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens, I provide specific coping strategies that parents can implement to help their child best deal with anxiety in the least harmful manner all while channeling any worrisome or negative thoughts to something positive to help maintain a child’s self-confidence.

Furthermore, teenagers who suffer from anxiety may have difficulty sleeping or eating and are more prone to either self-destructive behaviors and/or angry outburst. In my book, I also  offer the C.A.L.M. technique on how you can easily and effectively reduce or flat out eliminate problem behavior and get your child to see how their actions result in specific consequences or rewards.

To You and Your Child!

Why Kids Misbehave and What to Do About It

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child misbehaving is something I see on a regular basis in my profession as a middle school teacher. Whether it be shouting out something inappropriate to another student, calling someone a name, or making a loud, funny noise to get a reaction from others, children exhibit a variety of obnoxious, immature, and disruptive behaviors.

How to prevent or stop a child from misbehaving

Children, in general, act out to seek negative attention. If there is a potential audience available to fuel the behavior, then that behavior and those actions will likely persist. The key factor in determining whether or not a problem behavior will persist or be eliminated is based largely on your reaction to the child’s behavior and how you respond to it.

1. Teach a child empathy.

When a child is taught how his or her behaviors affect others around them, they are more likely to display positive, kind, and caring behaviors. Many children who exhibit problem behaviors may be dealing with anxiety, fear, lack of acceptance from others, rejection and not have the coping mechanisms to appropriately handle these issues and act out to protect themselves from further backlash from their peers, teachers, and/or parents.

2. Acknowledge positive behavior exhibited and ignore behavior that isn’t harmful.

Kids often misbehave because they are seeking attention and don’t know any other viable means to obtain it other than to act out. Praising good behavior can turn that around. In my class, I appreciate it when someone offers to help pass out papers, clean up lab stations, assist someone who may be struggling, or simply raise their hand and wait to be called on during class discussion. I typically respond by saying statements to the like of:

“Thank you for raising your hand and waiting to be called on to answer that question.”

“Thank you for your kindness and offering to help…”

“I appreciate that you have your homework ready to be collected.”

“Keep up the great work. I am very proud of you.”

It all depends on the child, but looking and expecting good is oftentimes the solution and what you will get from a child. English writer W. Somerset Maugham once said,

“It’s a funny thing about life, if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.”

3. Take away privileges.

However, if despite your efforts at teaching a child that their actions affect others, offering praise to positive behavior displayed, and ignoring attention-seeking behavior, your child continues misbehaving in an inappropriate manner and it is negatively affecting others or putting themselves or others in, then a clear consequence needs to immediately follow.

It could be as simple as a time out to remove them from the situation or shift their attention away from their current behaviors and give them time to reflect on what they did wrong and how they should have behaved. Removing a privilege of some sorts  is a common practice for curbing bad behavior, especially with older children. Anything from removal of electronics, toys, losing a sleepover, and not playing with friends are standard options for consequences that will typically render future good results, as long as a child understands the basis for why they lost their privileges and the expected behavior in the future.

Whether it is at home, at school, or in public around others when the misbehavior takes place, if the environment is reinforcing that behavior through others laughing or yelling for the person to stop, then that may be the unfortunate catalyst that keeps the problem behavior going. Hence, the child will see no reason why he or she should discontinue their actions when they are getting a reaction out of someone.

4. Model behavior you expect of your child.

It goes back to the monkey see, monkey do adage. Children are keen observers of their surrounding and require parents to not only teach them good manners and help them develop a sense of morality, but also watch how their parents and other adults in their lives display politeness, kindness, respect, and acceptance toward one another.

In my new book, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens, I overview the C.A.L.M. technique on how you can easily and effectively reduce or flat out eliminate problem behavior and get your child to discover for themselves how their actions result in specific consequences or rewards.

To You and Your Child!

The Top Three Snacks to Have in Your Kitchen

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hen it comes to grocery shopping, there are so many decisions you have to make when selecting the healthiest and most energizing foods and snacks for you and your family. Stocking your home with healthy foods – without breaking the bank – is a necessary step in getting you and your family on the right track to overall well-being. With that being said, you must consider the various factors that can adversely affect you and your family:

  • Is it conventionally grown, instead of organic?
  • Does it contain GMO-based ingredients?
  • Does it contain dairy, soy, gluten, lectins, or trace metals?
  • Does the food contain pro-inflammatory properties?
  • Is it a high glycemic index food that can rapidly elevate insulin levels?
  • Does it contain artificial ingredients, dyes, preservatives, additives, or fillers?
  1. Nuts and Seeds

There is good and bad news when it comes to these snacks. The good news is that there are a variety of options to choose from that are healthy. Most are good sources of essential vitamins and minerals such as magnesium, copper, selenium, manganese, phosphorus and iron. The bad news is that not all nuts and seeds are created equally. One of the big concerns about certain nuts and seeds is their high amount of PUFA (polyunsaturated fat), especially the omega-6 polyunsaturated fat. This has been linked to inflammatory and metabolic diseases such as diabetes, obesity, and heart disease. Also, there has been attention to the contamination of nuts with mycotoxins, particularly aflatoxins, which is a potential carcinogen.

However, nuts and seeds have some fabulous nutrients. When consumed in moderation, at no more than a handful a day, you can really reap some great benefits. Look for nuts and seeds that are organic, raw and have a low omega 6 to omega 3 ratio with a good amount of monounsaturated fat. Contrary to popular belief, studies have shown that people who regularly consume nuts had less of a weight gain than those who rarely or never consumed nuts.

My personal recommendations for nuts and seeds include:

  • Macadamia nuts (for their high amount of monounsaturated fat and vitamins and minerals),
  • Walnuts (for their anti-cancer/tumor suppressing properties and anti-inflammatory omega-3 fats),
  • Almonds (heart-healthy properties and high in calcium, magnesium, and potassium),
  • Pistachios (high in vitamin E, beta-carotene, lutein, monounsaturated fat, and antioxidants helping lower bad cholesterol),
  • Pumpkin seeds (high amount of nutrients such as magnesium, zinc, copper, manganese,omega-3 fats, as well as antioxidants to prevent or decrease oxidative stress and free radical formation),
  • Sunflower seeds (heart-healthy and immune system boosting properties and high amount of B vitamins, vitamin E, copper, selenium, magnesium, phosphorus).
  1. Hummus and Veggies

Hummus is a nutrient-dense food packed with protein, carbs (including fiber), healthy fats, and plenty of vitamins and minerals. It is made from cooked, mashed up chickpeas or other beans and is combined with tahini, olive oil, lemon juice, salt, and garlic. This is one of my go-to-snacks that can be used in many capacities.  You can use it as an alternative to mayonnaise on sandwiches or use it as a dip for raw vegetables.

They come in a variety of flavors. My favorites include roasted garlic, roasted red pepper and sundried tomato. Some of my personal recommendations that go well with hummus as a dip include:

  • Sweet peppers
  • Broccoli or cauliflower florets
  • Cucumber or zucchini slices
  • Celery sticks
  • Baby carrots
  • Whole grain tortilla chips
  1. Fresh & Dried Fruits

Nothing beats a fresh, organic fruit packed with all the vitamins and nutrients! However, if you aren’t able to frequent the grocery store throughout the week for a variety of fresh, organic fruit, or are looking for a healthy sweet treat, the next best thing would be to pick up some dried fruits. However, be aware that both fresh and dried fruits, depending on the type, can be high in sugar. Try not to consume more than a serving in one sitting. To prevent against consuming additives in your fruits, select organic dried fruits.

Tip: Look on the ingredients to ensure that the product contains only one ingredient – that particular fruit!

My personal picks for dried fruit include:

  • Mangos
  • Cherries
  • Goji berries
  • Apples
  • Pineapples
  • Plums
  • Mulberries
  • Blueberries
  • Peaches
  • Apricots

For a complete guide to help you and your family’s overall well-being, from all things healthy home to eating, moving, sleeping, and thinking well strategies, grab a free copy of my 25-page WHOLE LOTTA LIVING GUIDE here.

To Your Health!

Sources:

25 Types of Nuts and Seeds You Can Eat

Health Benefits of Nut Consumption

Pistachios increase serum antioxidants and lower serum oxidized-LDL in hypercholesterolemic adults.

What’s New and Beneficial about Walnuts