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hildren suffer from anxiety for a number of reasons. Before the start of a new school year, encountering a select group of peers at school, auditioning for a role in the school play, trying out for a sports team, and right before taking tests are times when a child may experience anxiety. This is nothing out of the ordinary. However, anxiety becomes a serious concern for children when it starts to interfere with their day-to-day activities. They may try to avoid certain situations or certain people. Some children are more susceptible to anxiety. This is especially the case if a child regularly experiences family conflict, arguments, is bullied, or feels unsafe in a particular environment.

And then there are students I’ve had who have gotten upset over the littlest things. At times, I’ve seen students push others in a shoving match. When I came over to address the issue, the student would go ballistic and lose control of their emotions. More times than not, the kids who act out in school are doing so because something is either going on at home or with their peers. The intimidating, mean-spirited behaviors are often a result of some sort of trauma experienced by the child at home or at school. They come into school on guard, ready to battle and they misperceive their peers’ and teachers’ cues, resulting in hostile and highly combative behavior.

How to Manage a Child’s Anxiety/Anger and Exposure to Violence

It is very important to sit down with your child and allow them to safely express their emotions and tell you what is going on and causing their high level of anxiety or what is making them feel upset. One thing you can do to alleviate your child’s stress is to limit the amount of technology that they are exposed to, in particular violent content. Refocus your child on getting involved in activities that are positive in nature and involve positive interactions in a team-building way with their peers.

Refrain from imparting your own fears or anxiety onto your child and rather than protecting your child from feeling anxious, teach them strategies to best manage and deal with it successfully. In my new book, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens, I provide specific coping strategies that parents can implement to help their child best deal with anxiety in the least harmful manner all while channeling any worrisome or negative thoughts to something positive to help maintain a child’s self-confidence.

Furthermore, teenagers who suffer from anxiety may have difficulty sleeping or eating and are more prone to either self-destructive behaviors and/or angry outburst. In my book, I also  offer the C.A.L.M. technique on how you can easily and effectively reduce or flat out eliminate problem behavior and get your child to see how their actions result in specific consequences or rewards.

To You and Your Child!

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child misbehaving is something I see on a regular basis in my profession as a middle school teacher. Whether it be shouting out something inappropriate to another student, calling someone a name, or making a loud, funny noise to get a reaction from others, children exhibit a variety of obnoxious, immature, and disruptive behaviors.

How to prevent or stop a child from misbehaving

Children, in general, act out to seek negative attention. If there is a potential audience available to fuel the behavior, then that behavior and those actions will likely persist. The key factor in determining whether or not a problem behavior will persist or be eliminated is based largely on your reaction to the child’s behavior and how you respond to it.

1. Teach a child empathy.

When a child is taught how his or her behaviors affect others around them, they are more likely to display positive, kind, and caring behaviors. Many children who exhibit problem behaviors may be dealing with anxiety, fear, lack of acceptance from others, rejection and not have the coping mechanisms to appropriately handle these issues and act out to protect themselves from further backlash from their peers, teachers, and/or parents.

2. Acknowledge positive behavior exhibited and ignore behavior that isn’t harmful.

Kids often misbehave because they are seeking attention and don’t know any other viable means to obtain it other than to act out. Praising good behavior can turn that around. In my class, I appreciate it when someone offers to help pass out papers, clean up lab stations, assist someone who may be struggling, or simply raise their hand and wait to be called on during class discussion. I typically respond by saying statements to the like of:

“Thank you for raising your hand and waiting to be called on to answer that question.”

“Thank you for your kindness and offering to help…”

“I appreciate that you have your homework ready to be collected.”

“Keep up the great work. I am very proud of you.”

It all depends on the child, but looking and expecting good is oftentimes the solution and what you will get from a child. English writer W. Somerset Maugham once said,

“It’s a funny thing about life, if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.”

3. Take away privileges.

However, if despite your efforts at teaching a child that their actions affect others, offering praise to positive behavior displayed, and ignoring attention-seeking behavior, your child continues misbehaving in an inappropriate manner and it is negatively affecting others or putting themselves or others in, then a clear consequence needs to immediately follow.

It could be as simple as a time out to remove them from the situation or shift their attention away from their current behaviors and give them time to reflect on what they did wrong and how they should have behaved. Removing a privilege of some sorts  is a common practice for curbing bad behavior, especially with older children. Anything from removal of electronics, toys, losing a sleepover, and not playing with friends are standard options for consequences that will typically render future good results, as long as a child understands the basis for why they lost their privileges and the expected behavior in the future.

Whether it is at home, at school, or in public around others when the misbehavior takes place, if the environment is reinforcing that behavior through others laughing or yelling for the person to stop, then that may be the unfortunate catalyst that keeps the problem behavior going. Hence, the child will see no reason why he or she should discontinue their actions when they are getting a reaction out of someone.

4. Model behavior you expect of your child.

It goes back to the monkey see, monkey do adage. Children are keen observers of their surrounding and require parents to not only teach them good manners and help them develop a sense of morality, but also watch how their parents and other adults in their lives display politeness, kindness, respect, and acceptance toward one another.

In my new book, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens, I overview the C.A.L.M. technique on how you can easily and effectively reduce or flat out eliminate problem behavior and get your child to discover for themselves how their actions result in specific consequences or rewards.

To You and Your Child!

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he issue of school violence continues to be one that resurfaces in many different forms. I can’t believe that it’s been more than five years since the Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy took place. Being so close to this tragedy, both figuratively and literally, in that I grew up only 30 minutes north of this school and working as a public school teacher myself, I just can’t fathom that something like this can and has happened. The sad reality is that school shootings have continued to take place throughout America since then. Violence in our schools is still a major concern, most recently taking place at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida.

It is apparent that in these types of horrific incidents, there are some deep-seated issues affecting students at our schools and causing them to react in violent behaviors toward others. Consider the telltale signs of mental illness, depression, and posts left on his social media accounts of guns and racial slurs left by a 19-year-old male who shot and killed 17 individuals and leaving 14 injured at a high school in Florida on Valentine’s Day 2018.

Then there was the locker room stabbing that took place back in November 2016 by a 16-year old high school student in Utah leaving five injured. This student was a straight A student and didn’t have any disciplinary record. There wasn’t even a history of bullying with the five victims.

In January 2017, a 17-year old high school student shot his 16-year old classmate. He went into a bathroom and assembled his gun and came out shooting not only his classmate, but also firing at a teacher and narrowly missing.

We’ve been down this road way too often trying to explain the motives of young people who display violence toward their classmates and/or teachers in this manner, wondering how we could have seen something like this coming. We’ve asked the questions:

• “How can someone do such a thing?”
• “What triggers someone to act aggressively?”
• “Do the parents see these behaviors with their children at home?”
• “Are there specific warning signs to be on the lookout for and if so, what are they?”
• “How can someone get access so easily to these kinds of weapons and how can we prevent this from happening?”

Issues such as violence in schools have become heightened among educators and policymakers across the U.S. Unfortunately, we continue to see disagreement and verbal lashing amidst Republicans and Democrats regarding their views on gun control. It is bad enough that kids today are exposed to violence all through the media – in movies they watch, lyrics to music they listen to and sing aloud, and things they see on the Internet.

Furthermore, we see a barrage of new video games with highly graphic and violent visuals that have been, and are soon to be, released to the public. A study published in JAMA Pediatrics has demonstrated that children who repeatedly play violent video games changes the way they think. I realize that all kids who play violent video games don’t end up as killers or violent human beings. However, the long-term exposure to violent video games can lead to changes in the way they learn to think. Young people can become more aggressive, which can lead them to saying or employing violence at school, and become desensitized to violence as a whole.

What appears to be inexplicable as to why a child would go to such lengths and extremes as to stab or shoot another student or teacher is rooted in their overall social and emotional well-being. It’s oftentimes the “tragic storm” of circumstances that culminate in events of this kind. And it is our job in society as adults to value a young person’s opinion, be on alert for their emotional needs and be a support and role model in any and all situations. No matter what our personal philosophies on life, or our political views may be, putting humanity first – through respect, kindness, understanding, forgiveness, and getting people the help they need right away – is critical for making a positive shift in our society, as a whole, and for future generations.

To Our Children and Our Future!

Sources:

Teen in Utah school stabbings of 5 classmates booked on attempted murder

Officials: Staff pinned down gunman in school shooting that injured student

Mediators and Moderators of Long-Term Effects of Video Games on Aggressive Behavior: Practice, Thinking, and Action

10 New Details About Florida School Shooter Nikolas Cruz’s Past, Mental Health Issues And Abuse Of His Ex-Girlfriend.