Five Ways to Relax After a Crazy Day

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Five Ways to Relax After a Crazy Day

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o here you are again, another long day at work and coming home to more responsibilities that await you. You just want to unwind from the day, yet don’t know how you can find the time. The truth is that we prioritize our schedule, consciously or unconsciously,  based on what we truly value . The important point is that you find the time and dedicate it to your personal well-being on a daily basis.

Once you develop a routine for taking at least 30 minutes a day for yourself, you will experience more joy and renewed energy. However, most people spend their time repeating previous patterns and have difficulty breaking this vicious cycle.

Here are five things you can do today to get more relaxed when you get home from work:

1. Meditate

Some people are early risers, others are night owls, and then there are those who are a bit of both. There is no perfect time or way to meditate. The important thing is that you find time to squeeze 5-10 minutes practicing some form of meditation that appeals to you. You don’t have to be an expert at meditating and have these ridiculously long sessions in order to reap the benefits. In my opinion, just showing up is more than half the battle. As long as you are consistent, even just a few minutes, is better than nothing at all.

A quick and easy one that I like is a 5-minute “return to breathing” meditation where you focus your attention on fully breathing where both the chest and abdomen regions distend fully. I prefer sitting with my eyes closed, but you can leave them open if you’d like. The key features to this meditation is that you restore your attention back to your breathing, feeling the sensations both in… and out.

2. Watch Something Light on Television

It is the golden age of television right now and there are so many shows to choose from that are uplifting, funny, and entertaining. I am a big fan of shows on The Hallmark Channel. You can ensure that nothing of a downer or derogatory will appear on any of the programming. If you are into cooking, there are so many shows on the Cooking Channel that can whet your appetite and also give you a tour of different people’s cultures when it comes to food.  For virtual tours around the world and all things home design, decoration, and remodeling, HGTV provides some outstanding programming for your enjoyment. Whatever floats your boat, you want something that is pleasurable and not ridden with negativity.

3. Enjoy a Cup of Tea and Do Some Journaling

Having that time to express your thoughts is very therapeutic. I go to my “life journal” from time-to-time to convey my feelings and express any revelations that I discover. I know that my “better self” will be there listening without judgment and accept me with open arms. Couple that with a warm cup of tea and you have a recipe for releasing tension and feeling more relaxed.

Tea is only second to coffee as the most popular drink worldwide. There are so many reasons to enjoy a nice hot cup of tea. For starters, there are so many different flavors of tea and they all offer a variety of health benefits for the mind and body. Tea has been shown to lower stress levels, provide antioxidants to protect against damage to cells, strengthen the immune system, and increase longevity.1 My personal favorite stress-reducing teas that I enjoy include chamomile, peppermint, ginger, lavender, and lemon verbena.

4. Read a Book

According to research from the University of Sussex in the U.K., psychologists suggest that reading a book, for even six minutes, can reduce your stress levels faster than listening to music or going for a walk. Researchers state that reading a book can decrease stress levels by 68%. The mere act of reading printed words puts the mind into an altered state of consciousness that promotes imagination and stimulates creativity.2 Even if you read only a chapter or a few pages a day of something you enjoy, you are creating a relaxation habit that can only serve you.

5. Do Something Creative

Feed your imagination and starve your boredom by engaging in something that makes you feel alive and gives you that spark for life. Scientists have discovered that the most creative moments manifest when a person is at rest and relaxed rather than feeling stressed and overworked.3 My creative outlets include jamming out on the piano, guitar, and drums, finding time to get in some physical activity, and what I am doing right now in writing to help you find your peaceful self.

For a complete guide to help you and your family’s overall well-being, from all things healthy home to eating, moving, sleeping, and thinking well strategies, grab a free copy of my 25-page WHOLE LOTTA LIVING GUIDE here.

In my new audio program, 30 Days to Finding You: Your 10 Step Personal Happiness Formula you will be guided through the 10 principles that can transform how you feel and help guide you toward your highest mission and purpose on this planet, while experiencing joy and fulfillment. In this program you will also receive an e-workbook with exercises for each principle.

To Your Sanity!

Sources:

1 7 Awesome Reasons to Enjoy a Cup of Tea.” Wellness Today, www.wellnesstoday.com/nutrition/7-awesome-reasons-to-enjoy-a-cup-of-tea.

2 Reading ‘Can Help Reduce Stress’.” The Telegraph, Telegraph Media Group, 30 Mar. 2009, www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/news/5070874/Reading-can-help-reduce-stress.html.

3James, Geoffrey. “Neuroscience: Relaxing Makes You More Creative.” Inc.com, Inc., www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/neuroscience-relaxing-makes-you-more-creative.html.

How to Connect With a Disconnected Child

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How to Connect With a Disconnected Child

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 ust the other day, while dining at the restaurant and waiting for the waitress to come back with the check, I noticed  a family of four sitting across  my table and waiting for their meal. They were just a couple of feet apart from each other. Yet, all four of them were busy checking their phones. What may seem like just “killing time” as a technology distraction until their meals arrived was really a lost opportunity for making family connection.

1. Do Not Allow Any Electronic Devices At The Dinner Table

Dinner is a time for spending quality family time together, while not only enjoying a meal, but also everyone’s company. It is a time to catch up on the day’s events and allow each person to express their joys, concerns, frustrations, excitement, and whatever else is going on in their lives.

Keep it simple during meal time and have a designated area for any electronic devices. In addition to being a distraction away from quality family time, it is also very unsanitary to have phones and other devices around the area you eat. Research has shown that cell phones are much dirtier than most people realize. Scientists at the University of Arizona have found that cell phones carry 10 times more bacteria than most toilet seats. Studies have found serious pathogens on cell phones, including Streptococcus, MRSA, and E. coli.1 Considering the fact that many people travel to the bathroom with their phones increases the exposure to having all of these microbes on the phone.

2. Listen To Understand Not To Reprimand

It is easy to have that knee jerk reaction with a child and want to impart your two cents of wisdom when they open their mouths. However, The Golden Rule to remember with kids is that they want to feel understood and that they are being heard. When we allow children  to speak their minds freely without fear of judgment, they feel valued and empowered and are more willing to share with you what is really on their minds.

One tip to keep the conversation going is that instead of replying right away to your child, take a moment to ask them a question or repeat back what they said to you. Acknowledging that your child’s words matter to you and that you are interested in what they have to say will go along way, especially as their issues become more serious and of higher stakes as they get older.

3. Do Family Activities That Require Everyone To Be Present

I see it every day with the students I teach at school. The kids are outside on the blacktop with their earbuds and headphones on, scrolling through their phones and texting their friends. Their level of awareness to their surrounding environment and each other is minimal and has taken a backseat for their need to “stay connected.” How ironic!

Maybe this is a sign of the times that shows how much technology has infiltrated into our waking moments. However, this does not have to be the be-all and end-all for how things become with you and your child.

My advice: Make it a priority to do a family activity as often as possible throughout the week that involves little to no technology. Designate a specific time to take a walk together, have a catch, play a board game, or do something creative that doesn’t involve electronic device usage. Keep it fun and interactive and let your child come up with a game that gets the whole family involved. I personally love Bananagrams – the anagram game that drives all family bananas – in a good and fun way!

4. Set The Household Guidelines For Technology Use

As a parent, you are the head of your household and the one in charge of making the rules. Like it or not, technology is an integral part of our society nowadays. I can tell you that overly restricting your child access to technology can send a message that technology is something to fear or that it is a bad thing that may have the reverse effect to what you are trying to accomplish. Instead, teach your child moderation by setting a limit on technology use and uphold your rules. The sooner you set limits and enforce them regularly, the easier it will be for your children to develop healthy habits toward using technology, in general.

As it is important to monitor the length of time a child uses technology, it is equally (if not more) important to teach children about appropriate use of technology. From an early age, discuss the importance of being respectful toward others and their privacy. Communicate how their actions leave a digital permanence that can follow them as they get older. Encourage them to speak up and stand against cyberbullying, as its effect on a child’s psyche and mental health can be quite profound and long-lasting.

In my new book, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens, I provide parents with the tools and strategies to effectively communicate with their children and make a deep connection for a lifetime and how to prevent and best address the problems that affect teens and tweens.

For a complete guide to help you and your family’s overall well-being, from all things healthy home to eating, moving, sleeping, and thinking well strategies, grab a free copy of my 25-page WHOLE LOTTA LIVING GUIDE here.

To Making That Connection!

Sources:

1 Kõljalg, Siiri, et al. “High Level Bacterial Contamination of Secondary School Students’ Mobile Phones.” Germs, Asociația Pentru Creşterea Vizibilității Cercetării Ştiințifice (ACVCS), 2017, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5466825/.

Is It Okay to Be Selfish?

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Is It Okay to Be Selfish?

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e probably know someone in our lives who demonstrates “selfish behavior.” The paradigm in our society about this kind of behavior is that it is a bad thing. Some people even call it immoral. It seems that when someone is being selfish, their behaviors and actions are all driven from their personal desires and needs. But before we go any further and jump to any conclusions as to whether this type of behavior is truly a bad thing or not, we must understand that not all selfishness is created equal.

Redefining Selfish

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines selfish as “concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage or well-being without regard for others.”1  In the strict sense of the word, behaving “selfishly” is to benefit oneself in a way that can disregard another person’s social, emotional, physical, and overall well-being to the point of knowingly causing harm.

Here are some signs of “bad selfish behavior” to look out for:

  • When someone is always in the mode of “take, take, take” and never giving back in some way that is genuine.
  • When the person you are around is more concerned about hearing the sound of their own voice much more than what you have to say,
  • The one-sided conversation or relationship when all that matters to the person is what is happening in their lives.
  • When a person is unwilling to compromise or do something that interests you also.
  • When a person’s advice or actions are strictly rooted in their own benefit despite that it may harm another individual.
  • When a person is constantly laying blame or guilt tripping you into making decisions.

Nevertheless, we hear that it is better to give than receive…but at what cost? Being of service is a big part of a person’s personal happiness. But it’s one thing to care about others and look out for them, especially your family and friends. It’s another thing to spend every moment taking care of everyone else’s needs to the point of exhaustion where it starts to affect your psychological and physical well-being.

When you have children, they become your number one responsibility and rightfully so. However, it is very important to recharge your batteries from time-to-time because it is very difficult to give to your family if you are exhausted and your emotional jar is drained.

It’s Okay to Say NO!

Does it make you a bad person to decline something for your own benefit? If you feel like you want to say NO to some invitation to go somewhere or do something, then say it! Don’t say YES just because you don’t want someone to feel bad. When you do that, you are really neglecting yourself and your needs.

Have you ever felt like I have before? You work a long week and someone invites you somewhere and you just don’t feel like going for whatever reason. Maybe you don’t want to be caught up in gossip, drama, or negativity. Or maybe you are just tired from a long week and want to spend time alone to rest and recharge.

The Selfish Gauge

Ask yourself the following questions next time you are questioning if your behavior is truly “selfish.”

  • Is what you are doing helping or hurting your emotional well-being?
  • Is your behavior good for you and neutral or benefiting others or is your behavior  harming others?
  • Is what you are doing serving your highest values in helping you achieve your dreams or is it compromising them in some way for someone else’s desires?

It is vital to take care of yourself at all costs. If you are staying in a particular situation because you are worried about being selfish for leaving and it is affecting your health, it’s time for a change. Sometimes it can be as simple as taking a day off from work or getting a babysitter for the kids while you do something for yourself. It could be politely declining someone’s request, leaving a job you can’t stand or breaking off a toxic relationship.

If you would like to learn how to completely regain balance, joy, and happiness in your life starting today, while handling all of life’s day-to-day responsibilities, download my new program “30 Days to Finding You.” I walk you through my 10-Step Personal Happiness Formula that can be specifically applied for your life. Click here to learn more.

To A Great YOU!

Sources:

1 Merriam-Webster. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/selfish

3 Things Parents Must Know at the Start of the New School Year

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3 Things Parents Must Know at the Start of the New School Year

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etting out of the summer mode is oftentimes a challenge for kids. This past school year, I had so much fun in creating a music video titled “Hired to Inspire” based on a song I had written to reinvigorate educators, kids, and parents for a new school year. Together as teachers, parents, and the entire community, we can inspire a generation of children…one child at a time. Here is the link to check out the new video “Hired to Inspire.” Getting back into a routine for the new school year and reestablishing structure means setting the ground rules on bedtime, a regular place and time to do homework, time they can spend with friends and using all kinds of electronics. Ease the transition by invoking these routines early on at the start of school as it does take time for children to get adjusted and back to old routines. This will help a child develop good habits for the entire school year.

1. How to help your child get back into the school routine and manage their schedule

As students get into middle and certainly high school, children, as well as parents, may be unaware of the daily demands of homework load, and children can be easily overwhelmed with all of the daily demands of homework, studying for quizzes and tests, and completing various projects. The solution is to get back to routines. I recommend getting them a wall calendar that they can themselves write down their weekly schedule so they can visualize what needs to be done and plan accordingly to accomplish those tasks. Having a quiet place to do homework at a consistent time, preferably in a place that you can see them doing homework so they know that you see them, is very important.

2. How to regulate their daily use of technology

Children often don’t realize the potential dangers or consequences of technology overuse. Therefore, when regulating technology, it is important to clearly communicate the expectations you set forth as parents for your child. Depending on maturity level and your child’s level of responsibility, you may want to limit their access to social media or have access to their passwords. Setting limits to screen time is very important and the US Department of Health recommends that children under two should not be in front of a screen at all and over that age the maximum leisure screen time should be no more than two hours a day.1

In setting your expectations as a parent, you want to ask yourself the question, “What devices will you allow your child to use, for how long, and how will you monitor their activity? Set limits on electronics use, especially cell phone, to prevent that from becoming a distraction, so they are able to complete homework in a time efficient, high quality manner and also maintain an active, healthy lifestyle.

3. How to motivate your child using the right kind of praise 

Finding a way to get your child motivated academically or at home to perform chores around the house can be a challenge. You may wonder when is the right time to use praise and how much of it should I use to encourage desired behavior. First off, not all praise if created equally. When you use praise to encourage a child’s actions or successes, be sure to focus on the effort that a child puts forth, as opposed to specific traits of a child. Avoid using words like “intelligent,” “athletic,” “good,” and “bad”as those are things that children see as fixed and cannot be changed. Children can then associate their successes or failures based on these “fixed traits” that cannot be changed.

When giving praise, use it sparingly and be sure that it is used with a purpose that is specific and genuine. Avoid using praise for failures or low-challenging or low-achieving activities. Kids know when you are giving them “pity praise” and when you really mean it. The goal of praise is not to make a child dependent on it, but for them to feel empowered that they are capable of achieving greatness on their own.

In my new book, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens, I provide parents with a variety of in depth activities and strategies to help motivate a child and achieve success, while decreasing stress levels, improving happiness, self-awareness, and self-esteem, and becoming a smart, successful, and self-disciplined individual.For a complete guide to help you and your family’s overall well-being, from all things healthy home to eating, moving, sleeping, and thinking well strategies, grab a free copy of my 25-page WHOLE LOTTA LIVING GUIDE here.

To A Great School Year Ahead!

Sources:

1 Boyle, D. & Hodge, J. (2017). How to Manage Techno Tantrums.

Practicing Mindfulness This Summer

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Practicing Mindfulness This Summer

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ust the other day I was waiting in line at the grocery store and I noticed that on the cover of Time magazine was a female with her eyes closed and the title said “MINDFULNESS: The New Science of Health and Happiness.” Now, minded (no pun intended) that I teach children about science for a living, and the one thing that I emphasize to them is that science is everything. Without a doubt, this holds true to the effect of mindfulness on one’s health and happiness. What begs the question, though, is that behind all this science, is there a magic formula to obtain these two big Hs?

So What Is Mindfulness?

This concept has recently found its way from the East to the West and has become a part of many workplaces, schools, and institutions. It is slowly proving beneficial for not only educators, but also for students. Scientists are working to show how people can change their mind and body through the practice of being more mindful. How I see it, being mindful is having a mind that is full. Full of what, you might ask? THE PRESENT MOMENT.

The Latest Research on Mindfulness

Over the past 10-15 years, research has demonstrated the positive effects of mindfulness practice on one’s social, emotional, and physical well-being. Mindfulness through meditation practice has shown to influence the structure and neural patterns present in the brain. There has been evidence that suggests that this practice improves self-esteem, attention, sensory processing, emotional regulation, quality of sleep, and overall health.1 Based on reports in levels of the stress hormone cortisol, individuals who regularly engage in mindfulness practices have reported less stress, anxiety, depression, and anger. 1

There has also been a link between regular mindfulness practice and quality of communication between intimate partners.2 This, in turn, has also been beneficial in terms of daily interactions that parents have with their children and the increased satisfaction in their own parenting skills.3

How to Introduce Mindfulness Into Your Daily Routine

Being present is being full of groundedness in your feelings and in touch with your emotions as they exist now. Some people call it the “practice of meditation.” Many practitioners focus on “conscious breathing” while being mindful.

At a conference I attended this past school year, the presenter began by having all 400+ of us in attendance sit quietly with our eyes closed, while either sitting on the floor or in our chairs. He had us perform a progressive muscle relaxation technique.

We began the exercise by taking three deep belly breaths and slowly exhaling. While doing so, we imagined that any tension we had in our body would go away. We started by focusing on the muscles in our face relaxing and worked down our neck and then to our back and releasing any tension down our arms and out our fingertips. He pointed out that while we were relaxing that we should feel this mental and physical shift downward and slowly becoming more grounded in our position with each breath. Then, we inhaled through our nose and while slowly exhaling out our mouth, we visualized our lower body releasing up pent up tension in a similar manner – down our thighs, knees, lower legs and out our toes.

There are so many variations and styles to mindful practice. One of my personal favorites is through the moving meditation exercise of Tai Chi Ch’uan.  I am a bodily-kinesthetic kind of guy where doing something active and moving around is quite relaxing. I will also take a trip to the local golf course and spend time chipping, putting, and hitting balls. Other times, I enjoy shooting some hoops by myself. The point to mindfulness is that it enhances your self-awareness and increases your physical and emotional state of relaxation.

For some people, awareness comes in the form of mindful listening to peaceful music and performing relaxation breathing. Others enjoy mindful writing and keeping a journal or expressing their awareness and present emotions through drawing or painting pictures. You can also be mindful when you eat or drink something. Noticing the food’s texture, aroma, and taste would be a great way to do this.

At a faculty meeting, we were all asked to be mindful of a Hershey Kiss – looking at its shape, examining the color of the wrapper and feel of the wrapper. As we began to take off the wrapper, we were asked to do so slowly and consider the technique we were using to remove the wrapper, while listening to the sound of removing the wrapper. Then, we were instructed to slowly raise our hand to our mouth and examine our feelings to the anticipation of the candy entering our mouths to the moment of entry and the changes in those emotions. This exercise helped us all to become better aware of the present moment.

Post-Mindfulness Reflections

When you have finished your mindfulness activity, you can reflect by asking yourself:

  • What were you thinking throughout the activity?
  • Were your thoughts shifting?
  • Did you have trouble paying attention? If so, were there other thoughts going on at the time? Were they positive and/or negative? Past, present, and/or future thoughts? Were you physically uncomfortable?
  • Did you feel more relaxed, more anxious, or about the same upon completing the activity?
  • Has your ability to be in the present moment changed since doing the activity?

Research has shown that mindfulness practice can also benefit children and adolescents. Studies have shown an improvement in academic performance and a reduction in symptoms of anxiety in youth who practice mindfulness.4 In my new book, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens, I provide parents with a variety of activities and strategies to help a child achieve success, while decreasing stress levels, improving happiness, self-awareness, and self-esteem, and becoming a smart, successful, and self-disciplined individual.

For a complete guide to help you and your family’s overall well-being, from all things healthy home to eating, moving, sleeping, and thinking well strategies, grab a free copy of my 25-page WHOLE LOTTA LIVING GUIDE here.

To Being More Mindful Today!

Sources:

1 Lazar, S., et al. (2005). Meditation experience is associated with increased cortical thickness. NeuroReport, 16(17), 1893-1897.

2 Barnes, S., et al. (2007). The role of mindfulness in romantic relationship satisfaction and response tO relationship stress. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 33(4), 482-500.

3 Hutcherson, C., et al. (2008). Loving-Kindness Meditation Increases Social Connectedness. Emotion, 8(5), 720-724.

4 Semple, R., Reid, E., & Miller, L. (2005). Treating Anxiety with Mindfulness: An Open Trial of Mindfulness Training for Anxious Children. Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy, 19(4), 379-392.

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