Natural Ways to Manage Stress and Anxiety

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Natural Ways to Manage Stress and Anxiety

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n a world filled with uncertainty and angst, it is important to have an arsenal of tools to combat and relieve stress and anxiety. The quick fixes of solacing yourself with foods high in sugar and fat or consuming alcoholic beverages can only get you so far without having some backlash.

To some degree, we all experience stress and anxiety and I get it! The school workload can seem like way too much to handle. Another demand at work and you will snap. Your kid gives you an attitude for the umteenth time and you’ve had it. Another breaking news headline to strike fear and anxiety into your being. And yet another post on social media about how things are looking grim and the end of the world is near.

Here’s my newsflash! It’s time to take a step back and take control of your thoughts, feelings, and how you view and react to life’s daily happenings. It’s true, there is a level of toxicity in our world and we do have problems that need fixing. However, we also live in a world that is a beautiful place filled with warm, compassionate and caring human beings, and we have so much to see, do, and offer to others. Motivational speaker Zig Ziglar once said, “When you focus on problems, you get more problems. When you focus on possibilities, you have more opportunities.” True that!

As a teacher, I see when children hit that “overload threshold.” I, too, experience the daily challenges of working with teens and tweens, striving to attend to their individual needs and being a source of support, guidance, and encouragement, all while being their teacher.

No matter how we spend our time each day, we all have to deal with something that can trigger stress and anxiety. We are, in fact, social creatures who feel and respond to our surroundings. The key thing is having strategies to respond to different situations and feeling confident that all is and will be just fine!

The next time you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or that you just can’t carry on the way you are going any longer, implement these tips into your daily routine:

  • Be present – Spend more time thinking about the current moment and less time worrying about the future. Act slowly and consciously and take time to pay attention to your surroundings. That may mean doing absolutely nothing for five minutes. Taking time to actively listen to someone when they are speaking and not thinking about what you have to do next can keep things more grounded. One thing that has worked for me when I feel like I am getting anxious or worked up about something is to focus on one thing in particular and take 10 slow, deep breaths.
  • Exercise regularly – Research shows that getting sufficient exercise each day helps maintain not only a healthy body, but also a healthy and tuned up mental state. Physical activity produces natural painkillers called endorphins, which aid in stress reduction. Furthermore, exercise is effective at improving alertness, concentration, energy levels, and enhances overall cognitive functioning.1
  • Have a balanced diet – Include a wide assortment of healthy foods into your diet. Stick to a variety of fruits, vegetables, and legumes. Avoid alcohol, caffeine, and foods that are high in sugar and can spike your insulin levels and throw your “mood-o-meter” for a whack! Drink plenty of water. Consume whole grain cereals, breads, and pasta. Enjoy a moderation of fish and poultry. Limit your intake of red meat.
  • Do something that is fun and for yourself – It is so important to have a healthy outlet for the day’s stresses. For some people, writing is their therapy. Others may enjoy reading as a form of escaping reality. Simply find time to unwind and decompress on a regular basis doing something you love. Play with a pet, listen to music, get a massage, watch a favorite television show or movie. Just like your cell phone, your own personal batteries need to be recharged each day to full capacity.

For a complete guide to help you and your family’s overall well-being, from all things healthy home to eating, moving, sleeping, and thinking well strategies, grab a free copy of my 25-page WHOLE LOTTA LIVING GUIDE here.

During the holiday season, with the purchase of my new life transforming program 30 Days to Finding You: Your 10 Step Personal Happiness Formula you will also receive a free copy of my bestselling book The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens: Strategies for Unlocking Your Child’s Full Potential. When you purchase this program, please be sure to enter the discount code FREEBOOK to receive the free copy.

To a Peaceful Mind, Body, and Spirit!

Sources:

1 “Physical Activity Reduces Stress.” Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA, adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/other-related-conditions/stress/physical-activity-reduces-st.

Teaching Children to Confront Bullying

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Teaching Children to Confront Bullying

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grew up in a small suburban town in Connecticut where I was surrounded by kids my age and older in my neighborhood. I didn’t have a lot of friends, but there were a few. One of my good friends lived up the road from me. So many times I wanted to go play with him over his house, but it was not always possible. The problem was that along the path to my friend’s home, there were kids who were bullies and every time they saw me walking, they targeted me. In fact, one of them was a ring leader of the pack who I had to face in my neighborhood, on the bus and at school in my class every single day. Unfortunately, at that time I didn’t have the necessary skills to adequately confront bullying.

I will tell you that there is nothing worse than a child feeling unsafe inside or outside of school when they come face-to-face with someone they fear. Take it from me and the millions of other children past and present who have been on the receiving end of being the victims of bullying.

However, there is always hope. There are definitely some things that can be done to prevent bullying. Before it takes place, it is very important to teach children some techniques and one of them is to stand up for themselves and others. So, how do you do it? How do you teach a child to stand up for himself and others? Below you will find some helpful strategies.

1. Teach a Child to Speak Up 

Encourage your child to say something and not be quiet if he or someone else is not treated right. I remember telling the teacher when I would be repeatedly picked on and physically abused. Unfortunately, that didn’t work. The real key to putting out the flame when bullying takes place is to eliminate its source. Oftentimes, bullies feed off of an audience, or bystanders.

I’ve been in a number of situations growing up where I was face-to-face with a bully and other kids would stand there watching, even laughing and saying nothing to stop the verbal and physical onslaught that was ensuing. To all parents out there… it is sooooo important to teach your child that if they are on the receiving end of someone attacking them in some way, they should speak assertively to tell that person to “cut it out” or “knock it off” and then try to remove themselves from the situation. If the situation persists, encourage your child to align with other peers, as allies, to unite against this kind of behavior and tell a trusted adult.

If your child is not the target of bullying, encourage them to become an ally with someone who is being picked on. Standing by and watching any bullying behavior take place only makes the problem continue. It is important for the child to speak up and report any bullying behavior immediately.

 2. Teach a Child Respect and Empathy

The constant name calling, social isolation, and physical altercations were all too often a part of my experiences growing up and something that could have been prevented with some education in understanding. No one should be treated poorly for any reason. Children should respect their peers, teachers, and parents. Likewise, parents and teachers should respect children. No matter the age, gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, height, weight, or personal likes and preferences, children must be taught that everyone is unique and should be valued for who they are.

Cultivating empathy early on in a child’s life is crucial for their social and emotional growth and development. Children are more likely to demonstrate empathy toward others when they themselves feel a sense of emotional security from their parents. Teaching a child empathy not only allows a child to understand the perspective of others, but also helps them come up with constructive ways to handle negative emotions.

3. Teach a Child Leadership Skills

Winston Churchill once said, “Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities…because it is the quality which guarantees all others.” Healthy relationships are cultivated out of developing an understanding for one another and standing up to do the right thing.

Some people will argue that leaders are born, while others will insist that leaders are made. When children are taught effective character building skills that include having empathy for others, celebrating each other’s differences, and embracing diversity, they become more aware of each other’s needs and respond in ways to support each other. I am a strong supporter of getting a child involved in leadership activities when they are young, where they have opportunities to use their voice for change. Whether it be sports, clubs and/or community service activities, there are many outstanding ways to give a child an opportunity to be seen and heard in a positive light.

4. Model Self-Love and Kindness to Others

Children are always observing their surroundings, particularly the actions of adult role models. There is no greater strength in leading a child to make wise decisions than to personally model that behavior. When your child sees that you live your life by taking care of your well-being, acting from a place of love rather than fear or hate when handling situations, respecting and being kind to yourself and others, then she internalizes the value and worth in positive behaviors and actions. This act of respect and kindness extends beyond the confines of the school and home. It spans into everyday life at the grocery store, gas station, library, bank, or anywhere we go and meet people.

5. Teach a Child Confidence 

In today’s world, it is easy to become influenced by the prevailing messages received from the media, which are often filled with violence, hatred, anti-this and anti-that movements.  It is not very uncommon for some people to hide behind the walls of social media and say something derogatory or dejecting to put someone down.

It is very important to nurture confidence in your child. Developing the skills of confidence build’s a young person’s self-esteem and prepares them for a world filled with challenges. Build confidence in your child by involving her in different activities after school, giving tasks to be accomplished, demonstrating how to stand up and take charge of situations boldly and bravely by doing what’s right versus what’s popular. Being an ally to someone in need and helping someone who feels down is a major step toward becoming a leader, developing positive relationships with others and living a life of great purpose.

In my new book, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens, I provide parents with the tools and strategies to help children navigate bullying and violence, along with the other challenges they face throughout their tween and teen years.

For a complete guide to help you and your family’s overall well-being, from all things healthy home to eating, moving, sleeping, and thinking well strategies, grab a free copy of my 25-page WHOLE LOTTA LIVING GUIDE here.

To Teaching a Child to Stand Strong!

Five Ways to Relax After a Crazy Day

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Five Ways to Relax After a Crazy Day

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o here you are again, another long day at work and coming home to more responsibilities that await you. You just want to unwind from the day, yet don’t know how you can find the time. The truth is that we prioritize our schedule, consciously or unconsciously,  based on what we truly value . The important point is that you find the time and dedicate it to your personal well-being on a daily basis.

Once you develop a routine for taking at least 30 minutes a day for yourself, you will experience more joy and renewed energy. However, most people spend their time repeating previous patterns and have difficulty breaking this vicious cycle.

Here are five things you can do today to get more relaxed when you get home from work:

1. Meditate

Some people are early risers, others are night owls, and then there are those who are a bit of both. There is no perfect time or way to meditate. The important thing is that you find time to squeeze 5-10 minutes practicing some form of meditation that appeals to you. You don’t have to be an expert at meditating and have these ridiculously long sessions in order to reap the benefits. In my opinion, just showing up is more than half the battle. As long as you are consistent, even just a few minutes, is better than nothing at all.

A quick and easy one that I like is a 5-minute “return to breathing” meditation where you focus your attention on fully breathing where both the chest and abdomen regions distend fully. I prefer sitting with my eyes closed, but you can leave them open if you’d like. The key features to this meditation is that you restore your attention back to your breathing, feeling the sensations both in… and out.

2. Watch Something Light on Television

It is the golden age of television right now and there are so many shows to choose from that are uplifting, funny, and entertaining. I am a big fan of shows on The Hallmark Channel. You can ensure that nothing of a downer or derogatory will appear on any of the programming. If you are into cooking, there are so many shows on the Cooking Channel that can whet your appetite and also give you a tour of different people’s cultures when it comes to food.  For virtual tours around the world and all things home design, decoration, and remodeling, HGTV provides some outstanding programming for your enjoyment. Whatever floats your boat, you want something that is pleasurable and not ridden with negativity.

3. Enjoy a Cup of Tea and Do Some Journaling

Having that time to express your thoughts is very therapeutic. I go to my “life journal” from time-to-time to convey my feelings and express any revelations that I discover. I know that my “better self” will be there listening without judgment and accept me with open arms. Couple that with a warm cup of tea and you have a recipe for releasing tension and feeling more relaxed.

Tea is only second to coffee as the most popular drink worldwide. There are so many reasons to enjoy a nice hot cup of tea. For starters, there are so many different flavors of tea and they all offer a variety of health benefits for the mind and body. Tea has been shown to lower stress levels, provide antioxidants to protect against damage to cells, strengthen the immune system, and increase longevity.1 My personal favorite stress-reducing teas that I enjoy include chamomile, peppermint, ginger, lavender, and lemon verbena.

4. Read a Book

According to research from the University of Sussex in the U.K., psychologists suggest that reading a book, for even six minutes, can reduce your stress levels faster than listening to music or going for a walk. Researchers state that reading a book can decrease stress levels by 68%. The mere act of reading printed words puts the mind into an altered state of consciousness that promotes imagination and stimulates creativity.2 Even if you read only a chapter or a few pages a day of something you enjoy, you are creating a relaxation habit that can only serve you.

5. Do Something Creative

Feed your imagination and starve your boredom by engaging in something that makes you feel alive and gives you that spark for life. Scientists have discovered that the most creative moments manifest when a person is at rest and relaxed rather than feeling stressed and overworked.3 My creative outlets include jamming out on the piano, guitar, and drums, finding time to get in some physical activity, and what I am doing right now in writing to help you find your peaceful self.

For a complete guide to help you and your family’s overall well-being, from all things healthy home to eating, moving, sleeping, and thinking well strategies, grab a free copy of my 25-page WHOLE LOTTA LIVING GUIDE here.

In my new audio program, 30 Days to Finding You: Your 10 Step Personal Happiness Formula you will be guided through the 10 principles that can transform how you feel and help guide you toward your highest mission and purpose on this planet, while experiencing joy and fulfillment. In this program you will also receive an e-workbook with exercises for each principle.

To Your Sanity!

Sources:

1 7 Awesome Reasons to Enjoy a Cup of Tea.” Wellness Today, www.wellnesstoday.com/nutrition/7-awesome-reasons-to-enjoy-a-cup-of-tea.

2 Reading ‘Can Help Reduce Stress’.” The Telegraph, Telegraph Media Group, 30 Mar. 2009, www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/news/5070874/Reading-can-help-reduce-stress.html.

3James, Geoffrey. “Neuroscience: Relaxing Makes You More Creative.” Inc.com, Inc., www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/neuroscience-relaxing-makes-you-more-creative.html.

How to Connect With a Disconnected Child

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How to Connect With a Disconnected Child

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 ust the other day, while dining at the restaurant and waiting for the waitress to come back with the check, I noticed  a family of four sitting across  my table and waiting for their meal. They were just a couple of feet apart from each other. Yet, all four of them were busy checking their phones. What may seem like just “killing time” as a technology distraction until their meals arrived was really a lost opportunity for making family connection.

1. Do Not Allow Any Electronic Devices At The Dinner Table

Dinner is a time for spending quality family time together, while not only enjoying a meal, but also everyone’s company. It is a time to catch up on the day’s events and allow each person to express their joys, concerns, frustrations, excitement, and whatever else is going on in their lives.

Keep it simple during meal time and have a designated area for any electronic devices. In addition to being a distraction away from quality family time, it is also very unsanitary to have phones and other devices around the area you eat. Research has shown that cell phones are much dirtier than most people realize. Scientists at the University of Arizona have found that cell phones carry 10 times more bacteria than most toilet seats. Studies have found serious pathogens on cell phones, including Streptococcus, MRSA, and E. coli.1 Considering the fact that many people travel to the bathroom with their phones increases the exposure to having all of these microbes on the phone.

2. Listen To Understand Not To Reprimand

It is easy to have that knee jerk reaction with a child and want to impart your two cents of wisdom when they open their mouths. However, The Golden Rule to remember with kids is that they want to feel understood and that they are being heard. When we allow children  to speak their minds freely without fear of judgment, they feel valued and empowered and are more willing to share with you what is really on their minds.

One tip to keep the conversation going is that instead of replying right away to your child, take a moment to ask them a question or repeat back what they said to you. Acknowledging that your child’s words matter to you and that you are interested in what they have to say will go along way, especially as their issues become more serious and of higher stakes as they get older.

3. Do Family Activities That Require Everyone To Be Present

I see it every day with the students I teach at school. The kids are outside on the blacktop with their earbuds and headphones on, scrolling through their phones and texting their friends. Their level of awareness to their surrounding environment and each other is minimal and has taken a backseat for their need to “stay connected.” How ironic!

Maybe this is a sign of the times that shows how much technology has infiltrated into our waking moments. However, this does not have to be the be-all and end-all for how things become with you and your child.

My advice: Make it a priority to do a family activity as often as possible throughout the week that involves little to no technology. Designate a specific time to take a walk together, have a catch, play a board game, or do something creative that doesn’t involve electronic device usage. Keep it fun and interactive and let your child come up with a game that gets the whole family involved. I personally love Bananagrams – the anagram game that drives all family bananas – in a good and fun way!

4. Set The Household Guidelines For Technology Use

As a parent, you are the head of your household and the one in charge of making the rules. Like it or not, technology is an integral part of our society nowadays. I can tell you that overly restricting your child access to technology can send a message that technology is something to fear or that it is a bad thing that may have the reverse effect to what you are trying to accomplish. Instead, teach your child moderation by setting a limit on technology use and uphold your rules. The sooner you set limits and enforce them regularly, the easier it will be for your children to develop healthy habits toward using technology, in general.

As it is important to monitor the length of time a child uses technology, it is equally (if not more) important to teach children about appropriate use of technology. From an early age, discuss the importance of being respectful toward others and their privacy. Communicate how their actions leave a digital permanence that can follow them as they get older. Encourage them to speak up and stand against cyberbullying, as its effect on a child’s psyche and mental health can be quite profound and long-lasting.

In my new book, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens, I provide parents with the tools and strategies to effectively communicate with their children and make a deep connection for a lifetime and how to prevent and best address the problems that affect teens and tweens.

For a complete guide to help you and your family’s overall well-being, from all things healthy home to eating, moving, sleeping, and thinking well strategies, grab a free copy of my 25-page WHOLE LOTTA LIVING GUIDE here.

To Making That Connection!

Sources:

1 Kõljalg, Siiri, et al. “High Level Bacterial Contamination of Secondary School Students’ Mobile Phones.” Germs, Asociația Pentru Creşterea Vizibilității Cercetării Ştiințifice (ACVCS), 2017, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5466825/.

Is It Okay to Be Selfish?

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Is It Okay to Be Selfish?

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e probably know someone in our lives who demonstrates “selfish behavior.” The paradigm in our society about this kind of behavior is that it is a bad thing. Some people even call it immoral. It seems that when someone is being selfish, their behaviors and actions are all driven from their personal desires and needs. But before we go any further and jump to any conclusions as to whether this type of behavior is truly a bad thing or not, we must understand that not all selfishness is created equal.

Redefining Selfish

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines selfish as “concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage or well-being without regard for others.”1  In the strict sense of the word, behaving “selfishly” is to benefit oneself in a way that can disregard another person’s social, emotional, physical, and overall well-being to the point of knowingly causing harm.

Here are some signs of “bad selfish behavior” to look out for:

  • When someone is always in the mode of “take, take, take” and never giving back in some way that is genuine.
  • When the person you are around is more concerned about hearing the sound of their own voice much more than what you have to say,
  • The one-sided conversation or relationship when all that matters to the person is what is happening in their lives.
  • When a person is unwilling to compromise or do something that interests you also.
  • When a person’s advice or actions are strictly rooted in their own benefit despite that it may harm another individual.
  • When a person is constantly laying blame or guilt tripping you into making decisions.

Nevertheless, we hear that it is better to give than receive…but at what cost? Being of service is a big part of a person’s personal happiness. But it’s one thing to care about others and look out for them, especially your family and friends. It’s another thing to spend every moment taking care of everyone else’s needs to the point of exhaustion where it starts to affect your psychological and physical well-being.

When you have children, they become your number one responsibility and rightfully so. However, it is very important to recharge your batteries from time-to-time because it is very difficult to give to your family if you are exhausted and your emotional jar is drained.

It’s Okay to Say NO!

Does it make you a bad person to decline something for your own benefit? If you feel like you want to say NO to some invitation to go somewhere or do something, then say it! Don’t say YES just because you don’t want someone to feel bad. When you do that, you are really neglecting yourself and your needs.

Have you ever felt like I have before? You work a long week and someone invites you somewhere and you just don’t feel like going for whatever reason. Maybe you don’t want to be caught up in gossip, drama, or negativity. Or maybe you are just tired from a long week and want to spend time alone to rest and recharge.

The Selfish Gauge

Ask yourself the following questions next time you are questioning if your behavior is truly “selfish.”

  • Is what you are doing helping or hurting your emotional well-being?
  • Is your behavior good for you and neutral or benefiting others or is your behavior  harming others?
  • Is what you are doing serving your highest values in helping you achieve your dreams or is it compromising them in some way for someone else’s desires?

It is vital to take care of yourself at all costs. If you are staying in a particular situation because you are worried about being selfish for leaving and it is affecting your health, it’s time for a change. Sometimes it can be as simple as taking a day off from work or getting a babysitter for the kids while you do something for yourself. It could be politely declining someone’s request, leaving a job you can’t stand or breaking off a toxic relationship.

If you would like to learn how to completely regain balance, joy, and happiness in your life starting today, while handling all of life’s day-to-day responsibilities, download my new program “30 Days to Finding You.” I walk you through my 10-Step Personal Happiness Formula that can be specifically applied for your life. Click here to learn more.

To A Great YOU!

Sources:

1 Merriam-Webster. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/selfish

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