Kids these days are developing a whole new set of skills unlike any other generation in history. They are going to school (whether in person or online) in the midst of a pandemic and facing a new set of challenges that is forcing them to learn differently and develop skills to adapt to a new style of education and way of living.

Moreover, children here in the United States are growing up witnessing division among people of different political denominations and strife as it relates to injustice among people of different race, ethnicity, and gender/sexual orientation. Kids who spend time on social media see and hear a variety of blasphemous acts taking place against all kinds of people from all different backgrounds and institutions. The messages about fairness, kindness, and equality that we want to resonate with our children are being contradicted and contorted, which makes things very confusing for a young developing mind.

Children are easily influenced by their peers and what goes on in the media. As parents, we want to inculcate a sense of moral responsibility and sound character into our children. This is why it is important, as adults in our society, that we model the pillars of character that we so desire in our children, which include care, kindness, compassion, forgiveness, honesty, and respect for all people.

The reality, however, is that everyone is different and each person carries with them their past, present, and future and is entitled to their own opinion. Now, it is one thing to have a difference of opinion with others. However, it is another thing to be sucked into an alluring quagmire of gossip and controversy and develop a negative thought pattern against a person, group, and/or institution where we find ourselves becoming stuck, angry, resentful, and pessimistic. It is easy enough to become entangled in this way of living and become unaware of the insidious, negative implications this behavior poses on our lives and those we most care about.

In order to raise awareness about the importance of social and emotional intelligence, we need to start at the homes and in the schools in order to best equip our children with the necessary tools to think critically and accurately recognize fact from fiction so they can appropriately and effectively handle a variety of issues, conflicts, and adversity as they arise throughout their lives.

Building a child’s emotional well-being is about showing them strategies on how to remain calm, understanding, and peaceful, all while maintaining a positive attitude and preserving a strong sense of character and integrity. So how and where do we begin?

GROWING UP IS NOT EASY

First off, we must remember that growing up is not a smooth and predictable ride for most kids. There are many factors that shape the development of a young person’s mind from childhood through adolescence. It can be hard, sometimes really hard for children, especially if they encounter adversity that requires them to make a decision to stand up for themselves and/or others, knowing it may not be the popular thing to do. They may find themselves part of a peer group that they really don’t want to be a part of and struggle to find a way out.

Growing up, I experienced and witnessed all kinds of bullying take place. I had choices to make as to whether I would join in on the action, or become a bystander and just sit on the sidelines, or rather step in and do something about it.

Being on the receiving end of verbal and physical abuse from my peers, while growing up, made it easy for me to decide which side of the fence I would take as I never wanted to see “the little guy” become a victim. But that is not always the case for all children who are bullied. Some resort to self-harming behaviors, while others become bullies themselves.

I will say that it would have been nice to have had someone in my corner when times got rough. Someone who I could count on when the bullies approached me and that I could trust to stand up for me. But that wasn’t my story.

The reality was that I needed to learn new skills that would help me develop resilience and become impervious to the verbal and physical attacks. I knew that when I stepped foot on the school bus each day, that I was on my own against “those kids” who were “looking to pick a fight.” I knew what it was like to battle in a war waged against me – time and time again – knowing that no one would come to my rescue when the confrontation began.

With that said, I also realize that there is a lot at stake for kids who stand up against bullying behavior. The child who makes the decision to support someone who is being picked on, bullied, or feeling outcast, is well aware that he/she may likely get backlash for it. These days, it’s not just physical or face-to-face verbal abuse that takes place. It’s also happening through text messaging, emails, and/or social media (a.k.a. cyberbullying).

I am so passionate about this topic, because I’ve seen how these defining moments in a young person’s life can shape their character and ultimately their course of life. In my opinion, the choices young people make in these moments largely defines their level of self-esteem and fulfillment they acquire throughout their life. I’ve written in more detail on this topic in a previous post “Teaching Children to Confront Bullying” where I offer helpful strategies on how children can stand up for themselves and others.

Research has shown that people who possess high self-esteem have no problem in empowering others and encouraging them to be their best. A leader with low self-esteem can often be controlling or even demonstrate micro-managing, oppressive behavior.

The message here for children is simple: When you see an injustice that is taking place in which you have the capability to do something about, the choice is yours and yours alone to act on. When something feels wrong and you know that it is negatively affecting someone or a group of people, it is important to act with courage and decide to DO SOMETHING.  

At the school I teach, we reinforce five qualities of good character: kindness, trustworthiness, respect, fairness, and responsibility. The good news is that children can learn all of these qualities from a very young age and practice implementing them in a safe space at home and apply them at school, and within the community on a regular basis.

HOW TO EMPOWER YOUR CHILD

There are three primary things that children desire and that is to feel loved, understood, and accepted. These are at the core of developing one’s self-esteem and confidence to make decisions and understand that the outcomes are largely due to choices they’ve independently made.

Also, self-esteem consists of two main things:

1. Self-worth (a feeling that you matter and that you are heard) and

2. Self-efficacy (the ability to accomplish a task/solve a problem by yourself).

The more you get your child involved in decision-making, the more they feel that they matter. This is called “sharing the power” with your child to make them feel empowered. You can start when they are very young by giving them a choice as to what they would like to do. Putting them in charge of a task helps them develop leadership skills. I do this all of the time with my toddler as she helps set the table for dinner, empty the dishwasher, take the clothes out of the dryer, and pick up her toys and clean her room. 

Another way to empower your child and facilitate a strong work ethic is if there are chores that need to be done, you can provide them with a list and ask them to select their top three choices. If they are little, you could have them choose between a couple of shirts and pants as to what they would like to wear. This is something my wife and I do with our toddler daughter and it makes her feel important and valued. Maybe once a week or every other week, you can offer your child a choice of a special meal or treat they would like and involve them in helping make it.

Another way to empower your child is to let them own their choices. With great power comes great responsibility (as Peter Parker once said) and the younger they are at learning this golden rule of life, the better it will serve them when the stakes are higher.

For instance, if they do not get a chore done by a time you have set for them, then the natural consequence is that they don’t get to engage in an activity that they would like to do. Let’s say they would like to play with a friend on Saturday and you’ve set a day and time for them to complete cleaning their room, yet by that time, it still hasn’t been done, then their natural consequence is that they they will not be able to go over their friend’s house until their room is clean.

Also, if homework assignment completion is an issue, or a grade isn’t to your standard, then privileges should be removed for a certain time frame. It is important to be upfront with your child in advance about this so they are well aware of your expectations (and consequences). This strategy works well with tweens and teens.

THE REAL SECRET TO BUILDING RESILIENT, EMPOWERED, AND HAPPY KIDS

The real secret to stacking the deck in your favor in ultimately raising resilient, empowered, and happy kids is to embody all of the qualities mentioned in this article in yourself on a day-to-day basis.

As so you desire in your child, becometh in you. How we personally react to adversity, setbacks, challenges on a daily basis will be witnessed, evaluated, scrutinized, and ultimately modeled back by our children. Our perceptions and viewpoints about this world will, in large part, be translated into our children’s formative beliefs and values that will carry with them throughout their lives.

If you find yourself looking for more strategies on how to build resilient, empowered, and happy kids, you can check out my best-selling book, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens. In the book, I discuss a variety of in depth and practical time-proven strategies to help you strengthen your connection with your children and empower them in the face of adversity throughout their lives.

Work with me personally! Are you looking to gain more clarity, balance, peace, joy, and happiness in your life, all while effectively and efficiently handling your current day-to-day state of affairs? I am currently open to new clients for one-on-one coaching sessions. Click here for more information on my personal coaching sessions. You can e-mail me at: [email protected]

To the resilient, empowered, and happy child in all of us!

This time in history is unlike any other where students across the nation are being taught by their teachers from home for an extended time frame, and coming to school wearing a protective mask, all while practicing social distancing and superb hygiene.

This past spring, students in the U.S. engaged in distance learning and were asked to self-regulate, manage their schedule, attend all of their online classes, stay organized, find a quiet place at home and remain focused, all while completing their assignments on a regular basis – with minimal, if any, face-to-face instruction from their teachers.

This school year, many school districts across America decided to slowly reintroduce students back into the classroom by engaging in the hybrid learning model (where students split their time between online and in person learning). As a middle school teacher, I can speak to the challenges that we face as educators in trying to reach all of our students (which now include a number of full distance learners) and connect with them to develop meaningful relationships. 

THE REALITY OF TEACHING IN COVID TIMES

Teachers have been trained and equipped with a plethora of technological tools to try and best engage students in learning. However, they are posed with the added challenge to simultaneously manage students in their classroom, while also managing a group of students online. The analogy I liken it to is a wry, darkly humorous one. So please bear with me and hopefully you get a laugh out of it. At the same time, you will begin to realize the reality that educators these days are faced with on a day-to-day basis.

Teachers have become the all-in-one package overnight. Whether they dreamed about it or not, they have become the host of their own live show (teacher-directed learning – in large part) – doing more talking to their students, while searching for moments to take a breath and rest their constant vocal projections through their mask. They have also become content creators of brand new, untested, dynamic, largely technology-based lesson plans, as well as production managers (getting all of the tabs up and ready to go in a certain sequence when presenting the lesson), sound engineers (for best microphone pickup), webcam choreographers (best angle, both static and dynamic views), technology specialists/troubleshooters (being able to navigate tech issues on the fly), supervisors (of both online and in person learners), mental health counselors (being able to gauge if anyone is feeling anxious/uncomfortable – especially in person with long durations of wearing masks, while not being able to read their facial expressions due to their masks) and having only one-take as they give their entire being to their best performances for their students who appear on their screens as if they were “The Brady Bunch” on steroids (a.k.a. the online students) viewed in their tic-tac-toe-like tiles.

Now, it is up to the teacher to engage these students at home, while also getting them to interact with the “live in studio audience” participants (in class students) as best as possible. It is quite the sci-fi experience that no teacher or student could have ever dreamt of and live this each and every day, in “the land of uncertainty” not knowing where all of this is headed. Please let me know if I missed something in our new job description (which is always in flux anyhow)!

In the meantime, parents are busy on so many fronts – trying to make a living, putting food on the table, helping with the “distance learning” and keeping it all together in their own lives during these challenging times. Despite the challenges that we all face, it is important to be a source of strength and stability for our children. With that said, below are some tips to keep your child engaged and organized throughout the school year.

TIPS FOR HELPING YOUR CHILD STAY ENGAGED AND ORGANIZED THIS SCHOOL YEAR

1. Get a child into a routine early on.

Routine is paramount to success. Students should be going to bed and getting up close to the same time each day during the school week. It is important for children to obtain the recommended amount of sleep each night for their age. Furthermore, there shouldn’t be any electronic use at least one hour prior to sleep. It would be best to remove electronics from the bedroom in order to prevent any blue light cognitive arousal, which would disrupt their melatonin secretion and could lead to inadequate sleep. Also, eating a well-balanced breakfast rich in all of the food groups will provide a child with the energy they need to sustain them through the day. 

Benefits of getting a child into a routine:

• Reduced stress – when a child has a predictable daily routine, they feel safe and secure, which puts them at ease. 
• Increased self-esteem and confidence – knowing what to expect can boost a child’s confidence and feeling of being in control of the situation. It allows them to know what tasks need to be accomplished and by when.
• Better time-management and self-discipline – routine, by design, promotes a schedule and habits of practice that tend to generate positive outcomes (e.g. washing hands before you eat, brushing teeth after you eat a meal, doing homework the same time each day, etc.)
• Promotes healthy lifestyle habits (eating, exercising, sleeping, and thinking well)
• Improves quality family time – engaging in a family game, movie night, arts and crafts project, walk in the neighborhood, family chores, etc.

2. Take frequent study breaks.

Typically speaking, frequent breaks help students get mentally and physically recharged. It is also an opportunity for kids to socialize with their peers. Nowadays, these breaks at school are coined “mask breaks” and involve kids being at least six feet away from their peers. However, for distance learners at home, this can help alleviate some of the mental fatigue and frustration associated with being in front of a computer screen for so long. It can also help children better self-regulate.

Ultimately, these study breaks can prevent the often dreaded “homework struggles” from ensuing between many parents and their children. These breaks can be physical in nature such as playing, running around, or could just be relaxing, such as listening to or playing music, drawing, singing, or doing a quiet activity such as reading a pleasure book (anything that doesn’t involve more screen time). 

3. Sign your child up for at least one virtual extracurricular activity.

Parents can contact their child’s school and ask what clubs or activities your child can get involved in. Many children these days are experiencing feelings of loneliness. Thus, being able to facilitate a child’s social-emotional well-being by helping connect them with their peers and make friends is so important for their mental health (especially these days). For example, there may be opportunities for your child to start a virtual club at their school and make those social-emotional connections that are much needed.

4. Stay in contact with your child’s teacher on a regular basis.

If your child is in elementary school, they most likely don’t have a school email and oftentimes parents are the ones who are reaching out to the teacher on behalf of their child. However, when a child reaches middle school (definitely high school), this is a great opportunity for them to take the initiative to regularly communicate with their teachers regarding questions about homework assignments or seeking extra help.

Making that connection with your child’s teacher(s) will reduce your own stress levels, provide clarity on the class rules, expectations, and routines and will help everyone be on the same page to help create a caring and safe community to best help your child to reach their full potential.

For a complete guide to help you and your family’s overall well-being during these challenging times, from all things healthy home to eating, moving, sleeping, and thinking well strategies, grab a free copy of my 25-page WHOLE LOTTA LIVING GUIDE here.

Work with me personally! I am currently open to clients for one-on-one coaching sessions. Click here for more information on my personal coaching sessions that will help you regain balance, joy, and happiness in your life, all while handling the current state of affairs. You can e-mail me at: [email protected]

Feel free to check out my program “30 Days to Finding You.” I walk you through my 10-Step Personal Happiness Formula that you can apply specific to your lifestyle, starting today. Click here to learn more.

Wishing you to stay mentally and physically healthy and strong!

Going to school for many kids is like going to war each and every day. It is a battleground where they are faced with the responsibility of making all kinds of decisions and having to deal with the consequences of their actions.

You see, making decisions independently is hard enough for a child. However, when faced with pressure from their peers to make a decision one way or the other, it becomes a whole new ball game.

There are so many more pressures that kids face today than ever before in history. The traditional pressures of smoking, drinking and drugs continue to pervade our society. But these days children have to engage on two different fronts: making wise decisions in person, and while using technology in the cyberworld, in particular on social media.

As a middle school teacher of 20 years, I have seen the evolution of challenges and the social pressures and expectations that kids face. Peer pressure to look and act a certain way, say the right things to be accepted into the “in-crowd,” play the “cool” games everyone else is playing, wear the latest designer clothing brands everyone else is wearing, and — nowadays — partake in the social media forums everyone else is taking part in. [Click here to read the full article] – originally published for www.afineparent.com

To an Empowered Future Leader of the World!