Six Things to Ditch This New Year

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Six Things to Ditch This New Year

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s you reflect back on your Snapchat year in review, you may be wondering what to expect for the New Year. This past year proved to be a time of change for our country. We experienced a fluctuation between what some may consider a loss of semblance for dealing with prominent issues, while others would claim it to be a long awaited bolster in our economic infrastructure.

While uncertainty continues to persist (and when doesn’t it) for the future of our country, void of any major catastrophes, you should be poised for an extraordinary year ahead. In order to stake your claim and position yourself to accomplish your goals and take your life in the direction you envision, there are some housecleaning items that you must square away to best leverage yourself for a healthy and happy New Year!

Here are the SIX THINGS TO DITCH THIS NEW YEAR!

1. Toxic Chemicals in Your Home

Set your home up for success. Don’t wait for someone to come down sick or for something to rear its ugly face and go wrong and then decide to do something about it. I live in a community that possesses a number of known chemicals in the water that are cancer-causing, which, I may add, really challenges my ability to pronounce correctly, such as bromodichloromethane, chloroform, chromium, dibromochloromethane, and a variety of trihalomethanes. It is important to know what you are consuming on a regular basis and be aware of your options for clean drinking water. I am currently researching various high quality home water filtration systems that not only remove heavy metals, asbestos, coliforms and other contaminants leached into the water, but also the above mentioned carcinogens and this is something I highly recommend you look into as well, especially if you have city-treated water. I do welcome your advice if you have recommendations for an effective system that satisfies these needs.

If you have a furnace filter, check it monthly and change it when it gets dirty. This will help extend the life of your furnace and save money on your utility bills. Choose alternatives to plastics where you can, and go glass for storage as much as possible. Try and avoid Teflon (non-stick) cookware or at least turn down the heat when cooking with these products. Non-stick cookware is made using a carcinogenic chemical known as perfluorooctanoic acid (PFOA). When you cook with a non-stick pot or pan, harmful fumes are released, especially when pans overheat, which are toxic to the body.1

Furthermore, choose furniture that doesn’t contain flame retardant chemicals that are endocrine system disruptors. To keep your home clean, avoid using mainstream cleaning supplies. You can use white vinegar, baking soda, and lemon juice (to name a few) that will do the job. It’s cheap, effective, environmentally friendly and non-toxic.

2. Unhealthy Eating Habits

We all know that this is the time of year where we are coming off those family and work-related holiday parties where all the goodies from cookies to cakes and other pastries were readily available at your fingertips. It is amazing how we, as a society, are addicted to sugar in all its forms. The American Heart Association recommends a limit of 6 teaspoons a day of sugar for women and 9 teaspoons for men, yet we tip the scale by consuming between 20-24 teaspoons a day, on average.2 With all the added sugars hidden in food, we are consuming more than we ever have before in history, which experts claim is a large contributor to the obesity crisis.

In general, limit or avoid foods that contain corn syrup, corn sweeteners, and a multitude of sugar molecules ending in “ose” – such as dextrose, sucrose, maltose, glucose, fructose. Long story short, limit purchasing processed foods that come in a box and consume whole food products.

3. Toxic People

It is easy to get caught up in other people’s dramas and pulled into their quagmire of problems.  However, as American writer and political activist Charles W. Chesnutt once proclaimed, “There’s time enough, but none to spare.” Who you spend your time with and how you spend your time and focus your energy will determine your state of mind and direction of your life.

Don’t be afraid to establish healthy boundaries with others and set the record straight once and for all. Toxic people aren’t looking out for your best interests. They are motivated by their own fears and spider web of troubles and can easily draw people in and entangle them into their crises. They will give you a lot to be angry, guilty, and sad about (if you let them) and wouldn’t mind for you to jump on board their “Misery Train.”  It may not be easy to simply dismiss these people from your life, but putting up and maintaining boundaries is the first crucial step and surrounding yourself with uplifting, positive, and happy people will help you ultimately break free.

4. Negative Thinking

The beauty of a New Year is that we get to hit the refresh button all over again and refocus our mind, body, and spirit with a renewed and positive outlook on life. The only problem is that 95% of our thoughts today are exactly what they were yesterday and 80% of them are negative. My solution to that is to lay it all out in the open. Some people can clear their minds by talking it out. Others meditate, some hit the gym, while others take a walk and focus on what they are grateful for. Personally, I’ve noticed that writing down my thoughts and how I feel can be extraordinarily powerful.

My suggestion to you is to take your thoughts, both positive and negative, and write them down on paper. One at a time. Go ahead…beat yourself up, praise yourself, express any and all thoughts down on paper about anything and everything that you feel. Cut out each one separately and read it out aloud to yourself. I would do this in a private setting so you can be free to express with complete truth and expression as to how you are feeling.

After you’ve read one, place it either in the “to keep” pile or “to discard” pile. For the ones you don’t want to keep, put them in a frequently visited place in the house to serve as a constant reminder of all the good in your life. Take the ones you want to discard and tear them up, one at a time, and throw them in the garbage – to rid once and for all. Whether it be a relationship, an unfulfilled or failed goal, or someone who has wronged you, you need a sense of closure to these matters in order to truly move forward and close the door on these chapters of your life. We all do!

5. Excuses

Ah, excuses, excuses, excuses! What better means to justify why we should have that piece of cake we know is bad for us or why we can’t make it to the gym again today. Yes, I will admit…guilty as charged!  It is easy to blame someone or a situation for why you didn’t do, did do, should have, or shouldn’t have done this or that.

First off, be honest with yourself and second off, give yourself a break. Be kind to yourself and talk about what you want to accomplish, the obstacles that may get in your way, and formulate a plan to achieve your goals. If you don’t know  by now, I’m a big fan of  the paper and pencil. Writing down your goals on paper is about gaining a vision and holding yourself accountable for your actions. It also turns the obscure into something real and palpable.

6. Phone

Yeah, I know… leaving your phone behind is like “Mission Impossible” these days. Everywhere we turn these days, it seems as if someone is making a text, talking on the phone, checking the weather, reading an article, listening to music, hanging out on social media somewhere…all on our electronic gadgets.

Although phone use has pervaded into an overwhelming and exhausting portion of our daily activities, perhaps of greater concern is the effect that cell phone use has on the quality of our interactions with others. Research has shown that having electronic devices out when spending time with someone sends a nonverbal message of devaluing the person you are with, by answering the call or responding to the text. People have more meaningful conversations and report higher levels of trust and empathy when they speak with people who do not attend to their devices during the conversation.3  The moral of the story – we all know of course – is to limit time spent on social media and overall electronic use and do something that will enrich our lives and the quality of our relationships with those individuals we are actually spending time with, in person!

For a complete guide to help you and your family’s overall well-being, from all things healthy home to eating, moving, sleeping, and thinking well strategies, grab a free copy of my 25-page WHOLE LOTTA LIVING GUIDE here.

If your New Year’s goal is to regain balance, joy, and happiness in your life, all while handling life’s day-to-day responsibilities, or you know someone who is interested to take their life to greater heights this year, check out my new program “30 Days to Finding You.” I walk you through my 10-Step Personal Happiness Formula that you can apply specific to your lifestyle, starting today. Click here to learn more. 

To a Healthy, Fearless, and Fulfilling New Year!

Sources:

 1. “Non-Stick Cookware Dangers: Hundreds of Scientists Issue Warning.” Mercola.com, articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2015/06/03/non-stick-cookware-dangers.aspx.

2. Sugar 101, www.heart.org/HEARTORG/HealthyLiving/HealthyEating/Nutrition/Sugar-101_UCM_306024_Article.jsp#.

3. “Can You Connect with Me Now? How the Presence of Mobile Communication Technology Influences Face-to-Face Conversation Quality.” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407512453827.

Three Steps to Living the Life You Imagine

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Three Steps to Living the Life You Imagine

when you wake up in the morning, how do you feel? Exhausted? Dreading to get up and go to work? Or do you feel invigorated and ready to go for the day? Why is it that some people feel energized and excited to take on the world most days and others are on auto pilot, feeling like they are doing the same old same old, just another day? Personal development coach Jim Rohn once said that the big challenge of life is, “You can have more than you got because you can become more than you are.” The other side of the coin is, “Unless you change who you are, you will always have what you got.”

The three steps I am going to share with you have helped me in my personal and professional life and can work for you. No matter what phase of life and situation you are presently in, taking these three steps can catapult you from where you are to where you want to be and who you want to become.

1. Know Your Outcome

Not everything in life warrants knowing an outcome. However, if you are looking to make a significant change, grow, and make progress in some area of your life, you must know the result you are looking to obtain.

For instance:

  • When you go to work each day, do you have an outcome in mind as to the difference you want to make?
  • When you speak with your children, do you have an outcome as to what you want them to take away from the conversation?
  • If you are looking to get a better job, do you know what you are looking to get out of the job and how you want to feel?
  • If you are looking to get into better shape, do you know what that exactly looks like?

2. Know Your Why 

So the million dollar question is: “How do you go from where you are today to where you want to be?” My answer is simple: by deciding on the person you want to become. We are all pulled in a bunch of directions each day and can easily be influenced by our environment. It all starts by having a foundation of purpose set firmly in place. From there, everything else in your life can be constructed. How strong you build that foundation is determined by the amount of work you are willing to put into your personal development. That means your thoughts, your actions, your core beliefs about yourself, others, and the world around you. By doing this, you will attract like amount in success. This goes for everything in your life. Success at your work, success in your finances, success in your relationships, success in your health… you name it!

3. Set Goals and Take Action

How many times in life have you daydreamed about having more or improving your life in some fashion?  Maybe you wondered how you could have a better relationship with your significant other or your child. Or you are trying to figure out how to attract the right person into your life and live happily ever after. Maybe you look at yourself in the mirror and aren’t happy with what you see and need to lose some weight and get your health in order. No matter what you desire, the question that will determine whether you take action or not is, “What is your plan?”

Having goals written down is a crucial step that will help you achieve your desired outcome. In the beginning, setting goals is fun. It’s a challenge most people look forward to going after. But as time goes on, you will be tested to see if you will stay on track and go the distance. This is where most people fail. Just think about most New Year’s Resolutions that are made and how quickly they are broken.  Why is that? Very simple.

Equation for failure = NO OUTCOME + NO PURPOSE + NO GOALS + NO ACTION

So when you know your outcome (what results you desire), you know your why (what your purpose is for doing this), and then you go ahead and set goals (dreams with a deadline) and  take action (on a consistent basis), you are on your way to living the life you imagine. Your ultimate challenge in this quest for a better life is to appreciate what you have at this very moment and “fall in love” with the process along the way. There is no doubt that to achieve anything of value, you will be tested emotionally and physically. Now it’s time to get started!

In my program “30 Days to Finding You.” I walk you through my 10-Step Personal Happiness Formula that you can apply to your life and implement these principles to ensure that you stay the course and achieve your dreams. Click here to learn more.

To A Happier and More Fulfilled YOU!

A Top 5 Back-To-School Checklist

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A Top 5 Back-To-School Checklist

Staying up late watching television or hanging out with friends is reaching its end for millions of children as they embark upon going back-to-school. As the summer winds down in anticipation for the start of a new school year, you want to make sure that you have your ducks in a row to help your child get on the fast track to success.

  1. Safe and Quality Education

With all of the changes going on in education and push for high quality education, at the top of your priority should be the quality of the education system that your child attends. A safe and secure environment is number one these days, yet also an enriching, equal opportunity for all students to succeed is very important. The efforts to continue with educational cuts makes it very difficult for students to get the resources and attention they need to succeed to their fullest potential. Over the years, parents I’ve spoken with have asked me about additional resources to help their children get ahead, whether it’s free resources online, different games to help them better learn, or various educational apps.

I’ve used interactive apps, games, and resources that are free with my students, such as Google Classroom, Edmodo, Edpuzzle, Quizlet, Kahoot, Quizizz, and PBS Learning Media to name a few. Even getting a subscription to Scholastic for my classroom has allowed students to go and explore different topics and become more engaged into the subject matter.

At this point in the school year, I would advise to reach out to your child’s teacher(s) and introduce yourself. Building a rapport early on in the school year can help prevent any potential problems from taking place. It also alleviates any anxiety and clears up any confusion as to what to expect inside your child’s classroom(s).

  1. Meal Planning

The school year is a busy time and providing healthy lunches on a consistent basis can be a challenge. One strategy to developing new, creative ideas is to get your child involved in making a weekly list. This will take away some of the stress of you having to think of everything for lunch and dinner. If you are concerned that your child will not come up with any healthy options, you can provide them with a few choices and go from there. A website that I came across which you may like is “The Creative Bite.” They provides a weekly meal plan of healthy, creative options for recipes for all kinds of foods. The website offers different snack ideas and has a space to write down your nutritional goals for each day of the week.

  1. Back-to-School Clothing and Supplies

A Deloitte’s Back to School Survey shows that 29 million households will likely spend $27.6 billion this year, with households planning to spend more than double in-store compared to online.1 This calculates out to an average of $510 per child. Talk about breaking the bank!

This time of the year can be one of the biggest spending periods and at the same time can also be a great teaching moment about financial responsibility.  Kids want the best in fashion and understandably so with all of the pressure to fit in with their peers. However, children should learn the value of money and the basics to budgeting at a young age.

  1. Before and After School Care

Depending on your situation, you may be concerned with where to put your child before and/or after school. In addition to providing a morning and afternoon routine, before and after school programs offer school-age children various opportunities and experiences. Many programs focus on providing a comfortable, yet stimulating environment that offers life skills, recreational activities, physical activity, homework support, team-building activities, and also breakfast and various nutritional snacks.

If getting your child from point A to point B is an issue, there are many reputable services that offer transportation for kids. Care.com is an excellent resource that provides a list of child care providers in your area, along with their qualifications, such as CPR/First Aid certified, experience with different children (ages and various issues), if they are comfortable with pets, non-smoker, their willingness to travel, clean, meal prep, etc.

  1. Social and Emotional Issues

Peer pressure and bullying in all of its forms these days are major concerns. They are arguably the biggest concerns on a child’s mind in going back-to-school. Staying on top of what children are doing online, knowing their peer group and having open and honest conversations each day about their day serve as pillars of support for a child’s overall social and emotional well-being. There are many online resources that can help you teach your kids how to identify bullying and stand up to it safely.

In my best-selling book, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens, I discuss strategies to help parents become aware of what their kids are doing online and help tackle the issue of bullying.

To A Great School Year for You and Your Children!

Sources:

  1. Sides, Rodney R., and Rod. “2018 Back-to-School Survey and Shopping Trends.” Deloitte United States, 9 Aug. 2018, www2.deloitte.com/us/en/pages/consumer-business/articles/back-to-school-survey.html.

Helping Your Child Deal With Toxic Stress

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Helping Your Child Deal With Toxic Stress

STRESS… a five letter word that we all deal with at some level and have to learn how manage throughout our lives. We know that stress is a silent killer and can cause lasting negative emotional and physical changes on us. However, stress is not created equally and it is important to understand the different types of  responses our bodies have in dealing with stress and ways to prevent stress from becoming toxic and long-lived.

When a child says that they are afraid of giving a presentation in front of the classroom to their peers versus being scared to go to school for fear of being bullied, those are two different kinds of stressors — the former being considered “normal and healthy” and the latter “abnormal and potentially debilitating.”

A child is especially susceptible to the negative effects of prolonged stress. This blog focuses on the following three aspects related to stress and its impact on children:

  • Understanding the main types of stress responses
  • Examining how each response can affect a child’s overall well-being
  • What can be done to help prevent toxic stress

Three Main Types of Stress Responses

Positive stress response – Let’s say your child is about to play piano in a musical performance in a few hours.  The anticipation leading up to that event can produce an increase in heart rate and a mild increase in stress hormone levels. These feelings are completely normal and essential for healthy development.

Tolerable stress response – When a child experiences a more serious event, such as the loss of a loved one or a serious bodily injury, the body’s nervous system is activated to a greater degree and stress levels rise. With support from close adults, the effects from the stressful situation or event will subside and the body will recover back to its normal state.

Toxic stress response – Recurring, prolonged, long-lasting stressful events, such as physical or emotional abuse, neglect, substance abuse, exposure to violence or mental illness without consistent, adequate adult support, can lead to significant disruptions in brain development and other organ systems. These effects include developmental delays, cognitive impairment, and stress-related diseases throughout adulthood.

Ways to Help Prevent Toxic Stress

Here are some ways to help prevent the effects of toxic stress from impacting your child:

Have a Support System for Your Child

The importance of a support system is paramount for a child overcoming the effects of stress. We see that toxic stress can affect children in different ways. Kids need a safe place to turn to where they feel protected, reassured, and supported both emotionally and physically.

Remove Chronic Stress

Remove the chronic stressor(s) or adverse situation from your child’s life as soon as possible.  I have worked with children and their families that have endured extreme poverty, food scarcity, neglect, abuse, and/or violence in the home. Research has shown that toxic stress can harm the brain and other organ systems of these children at any point in development. However, when the events happen early on in a child’s life, they have more of a profound and lasting impact. These adverse effects may not become apparent until adulthood.1

Teach Children Resiliency

The ability to properly cope with and adapt to adverse situations, despite the present conditions, plays a huge role in dealing with toxic stress. Research has shown that children with higher resilience have higher IQ scores, well-balanced temperaments and self-control, positive self-concept, greater empathy, and problem-solving skills.2

Engage a Child in Healthy Response Outlets

Again, all children react differently to stress. The variety of stress that children deal with on a daily basis varies. Students that I’ve taught, mentored and coached over the years who had poor social support from their primary caregivers and/or their peers and suffered from prolonged stress developed maladaptive behaviors in response to this stress. The fundamental principle in handling stress is having an effective outlet to release it. Some children release stress most effectively by engaging in different physical activities, such as sports, karate, dancing, etc. Others go within and express their feelings through writing or drawing.

One universal tool that I use in the classroom with my students is mindful relaxation response techniques. Conscious efforts to breathe deeply and slowly help slow down heart rate, reduce blood pressure, and decrease stress hormone levels. Guided imagery about positive outcomes to potentially stressful events is another technique I use to help children deal with anxious or stressful situations.

Developing coping mechanisms for stress take time and regular practice. A consistent implementation of these techniques in safe environments help produce the best sustainability for a long-lasting positive outcome for helping a child best handle stress.

Talk to Your Child’s Pediatrician

Your child’s pediatrician can be an excellent resource for meeting not only your child’s needs, but the needs of you and each family member’s in order to adequately structure an environment conducive for your child’s overall physical and emotional growth and well-being.

In my best-selling book, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens, I discuss ways to help your child develop the skills necessary to effectively handle different types of stress and challenges in their life so they can thrive in all they do and fulfill their greatest potential.

To Detoxing From the Stress of You and Your Child’s Worlds!

Sources:

1. “Stress.” Alberta Family Wellness Initiative, Accessed July 9, 2018, www.albertafamilywellness.org/what-we-know/stress.

 

2. Cowen E.L., Wyman P.A., Work W.C. Resilience in highly stressed urban children: concepts and findings. Bull. N. Y. Acad. Med. 1996;73:267–284.

5 Ways to Start the Conversation with a Child

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5 Ways to Start the Conversation with a Child

It is apparent that kids these days are dealing with a new set of problems on top of the old traditional issues that persist among today’s youth — from smoking, drinking, and substance abuse to cyberbullying and the (mis)use of various social media platforms. From mental health concerns, suicide, school violence, sexual assault to LGBT-related, the list goes on and on. These topics are boiling up inside millions of youth who are in need of platforms to express their voices.

How often do we see children running to adults and sharing their feelings? In the hit series 13 Reasons Why, there are some very graphic depictions of youth engaging in dangerous behaviors. The magnitude to which these issues affect kids warrant conversations in order to prevent or help someone in crisis.

Getting into a child’s mind and knowing what they are truly feeling, isn’t always easy. As a school teacher and someone who has worked with tween and teenage children for nearly two decades, I am aware of these problems and see that they must be addressed. I will admit that sometimes, it is difficult to hear what they have to say and I don’t necessarily have all the answers for them.

However, I recommend for parents, teachers, counselors, and mental health professionals who regularly are surrounded by children to start the tough conversations early. I realize that not all adults possess the tools necessary to know how to start these conversations and that is what inspired me to write this blog. You can never be sure of how someone is feeling. This is why it is important to have these discussions. It could sometimes be a matter of life and death.

1. “Actively” Listen

 For a child to share their feelings with someone else requires a level of trust. For kids, trust is earned and can be easily lost. To gain the trust and respect of a child, they need to know that you care and are there to listen to their concerns. Active listening goes beyond just hearing what someone has to say and preaching back to them what and how they should do it. It is important to convey the message to a child that they have been heard and understood. In order to do this, a valuable technique is to acknowledge the message by making eye contact with a child and restating the message shared in your own words back to the child. This way of responding with reflection shows the child that you care and are paying attention to the details. This often opens up the door for them to want to share more and have a deeper conversation.

2. Demonstrate Empathy

It is common for a child and especially a teenager to think that no one understands their situation. Finding a way to relate with what children are going through, can be a big step for them to open up with you. Each child is different and will communicate with you in their own way and at their own pace. The key is not to change when and how much they talk, but to create a safe space for when they feel comfortable and are ready to have a conversation. I’ve noticed that when children feel they aren’t alone in their problems, they oftentimes open up about what is bothering them. This offers many children a sense of hope and in some cases, recovery.

3. Find the “in between” time to talk

Having a conversation with a child should feel natural. Finding that “in between” time, such as before or after school, at the dinner table, driving to a sports practice or music lesson, playing a game together, preparing a family meal or right before bedtime is a way to discuss important issues in a more casual setting.

4. Allow a Child to Speak Freely Without Judgment

It’s hard enough for a child to open up to adults about how they are truly feeling, let alone have to feel that their words will be analyzed, evaluated and held against them. The goal is to ultimately help a child resolve his or her own issues. By refraining from judgment and keeping the conversation flowing back and forth freely, a child will feel “on the level” with who is listening, rather than feeling inferior in any which way. Just by letting a child know that you are emotionally available and can talk with them openly about anything can make a big difference.

5. Ask Your Child for Advice

There is this notion that children should come to their parents for input and advice. While that may be true, reversing the roles can provide insight into what a child is thinking. Asking your child for their input empowers them and shows that you value what you have to say. This also makes the child have to formulate a response to help “solve their problem.” I feel this is an ingenious approach that we need to implement more with children. As adults, we can learn a lot from children of all ages, as they can learn from us. We all just have to start “asking” more often in order to discover and uncover those hidden treasures that can be found inside all of us.

In my best-selling book, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens, I discuss a variety of conversation starters and ways to effectively break through with your child.

To Starting the Conversation!

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