Home Blog Page 3

Helping Your Child Stay Engaged and Organized During COVID Times in Education

This time in history is unlike any other where students across the nation are being taught by their teachers from home for an extended time frame, and coming to school wearing a protective mask, all while practicing social distancing and superb hygiene.

This past spring, students in the U.S. engaged in distance learning and were asked to self-regulate, manage their schedule, attend all of their online classes, stay organized, find a quiet place at home and remain focused, all while completing their assignments on a regular basis – with minimal, if any, face-to-face instruction from their teachers.

This school year, many school districts across America decided to slowly reintroduce students back into the classroom by engaging in the hybrid learning model (where students split their time between online and in person learning). As a middle school teacher, I can speak to the challenges that we face as educators in trying to reach all of our students (which now include a number of full distance learners) and connect with them to develop meaningful relationships. 

THE REALITY OF TEACHING IN COVID TIMES

Teachers have been trained and equipped with a plethora of technological tools to try and best engage students in learning. However, they are posed with the added challenge to simultaneously manage students in their classroom, while also managing a group of students online. The analogy I liken it to is a wry, darkly humorous one. So please bear with me and hopefully you get a laugh out of it. At the same time, you will begin to realize the reality that educators these days are faced with on a day-to-day basis.

Teachers have become the all-in-one package overnight. Whether they dreamed about it or not, they have become the host of their own live show (teacher-directed learning – in large part) – doing more talking to their students, while searching for moments to take a breath and rest their constant vocal projections through their mask. They have also become content creators of brand new, untested, dynamic, largely technology-based lesson plans, as well as production managers (getting all of the tabs up and ready to go in a certain sequence when presenting the lesson), sound engineers (for best microphone pickup), webcam choreographers (best angle, both static and dynamic views), technology specialists/troubleshooters (being able to navigate tech issues on the fly), supervisors (of both online and in person learners), mental health counselors (being able to gauge if anyone is feeling anxious/uncomfortable – especially in person with long durations of wearing masks, while not being able to read their facial expressions due to their masks) and having only one-take as they give their entire being to their best performances for their students who appear on their screens as if they were “The Brady Bunch” on steroids (a.k.a. the online students) viewed in their tic-tac-toe-like tiles.

Now, it is up to the teacher to engage these students at home, while also getting them to interact with the “live in studio audience” participants (in class students) as best as possible. It is quite the sci-fi experience that no teacher or student could have ever dreamt of and live this each and every day, in “the land of uncertainty” not knowing where all of this is headed. Please let me know if I missed something in our new job description (which is always in flux anyhow)!

In the meantime, parents are busy on so many fronts – trying to make a living, putting food on the table, helping with the “distance learning” and keeping it all together in their own lives during these challenging times. Despite the challenges that we all face, it is important to be a source of strength and stability for our children. With that said, below are some tips to keep your child engaged and organized throughout the school year.

TIPS FOR HELPING YOUR CHILD STAY ENGAGED AND ORGANIZED THIS SCHOOL YEAR

1. Get a child into a routine early on.

Routine is paramount to success. Students should be going to bed and getting up close to the same time each day during the school week. It is important for children to obtain the recommended amount of sleep each night for their age. Furthermore, there shouldn’t be any electronic use at least one hour prior to sleep. It would be best to remove electronics from the bedroom in order to prevent any blue light cognitive arousal, which would disrupt their melatonin secretion and could lead to inadequate sleep. Also, eating a well-balanced breakfast rich in all of the food groups will provide a child with the energy they need to sustain them through the day. 

Benefits of getting a child into a routine:

  • Reduced stress – when a child has a predictable daily routine, they feel safe and secure, which puts them at ease. 
  • Increased self-esteem and confidence – knowing what to expect can boost a child’s confidence and feeling of being in control of the situation. It allows them to know what tasks need to be accomplished and by when.
  • Better time-management and self-discipline – routine, by design, promotes a schedule and habits of practice that tend to generate positive outcomes (e.g. washing hands before you eat, brushing teeth after you eat a meal, doing homework the same time each day, etc.)
  • Promotes healthy lifestyle habits (eating, exercising, sleeping, and thinking well)
  • Improves quality family time – engaging in a family game, movie night, arts and crafts project, walk in the neighborhood, family chores, etc.

2. Take frequent study breaks.

Typically speaking, frequent breaks help students get mentally and physically recharged. It is also an opportunity for kids to socialize with their peers. Nowadays, these breaks at school are coined “mask breaks” and involve kids being at least six feet away from their peers. However, for distance learners at home, this can help alleviate some of the mental fatigue and frustration associated with being in front of a computer screen for so long. It can also help children better self-regulate.

Ultimately, these study breaks can prevent the often dreaded “homework struggles” from ensuing between many parents and their children. These breaks can be physical in nature such as playing, running around, or could just be relaxing, such as listening to or playing music, drawing, singing, or doing a quiet activity such as reading a pleasure book (anything that doesn’t involve more screen time). 

3. Sign your child up for at least one virtual extracurricular activity.

Parents can contact their child’s school and ask what clubs or activities your child can get involved in. Many children these days are experiencing feelings of loneliness. Thus, being able to facilitate a child’s social-emotional well-being by helping connect them with their peers and make friends is so important for their mental health (especially these days). For example, there may be opportunities for your child to start a virtual club at their school and make those social-emotional connections that are much needed.

4. Stay in contact with your child’s teacher on a regular basis.

If your child is in elementary school, they most likely don’t have a school email and oftentimes parents are the ones who are reaching out to the teacher on behalf of their child. However, when a child reaches middle school (definitely high school), this is a great opportunity for them to take the initiative to regularly communicate with their teachers regarding questions about homework assignments or seeking extra help.

Making that connection with your child’s teacher(s) will reduce your own stress levels, provide clarity on the class rules, expectations, and routines and will help everyone be on the same page to help create a caring and safe community to best help your child to reach their full potential.

For a complete guide to help you and your family’s overall well-being during these challenging times, from all things healthy home to eating, moving, sleeping, and thinking well strategies, grab a free copy of my 25-page WHOLE LOTTA LIVING GUIDE here.

Work with me personally! I am currently open to clients for one-on-one coaching sessions. Click here for more information on my personal coaching sessions that will help you regain balance, joy, and happiness in your life, all while handling the current state of affairs. You can e-mail me at: [email protected]

Feel free to check out my program “30 Days to Finding You.” I walk you through my 10-Step Personal Happiness Formula that you can apply specific to your lifestyle, starting today. Click here to learn more.

Wishing you to stay mentally and physically healthy and strong!

How to Raise Kids Who Can Stand Up to the Peer Pressure in School

Going to school for many kids is like going to war each and every day. It is a battleground where they are faced with the responsibility of making all kinds of decisions and having to deal with the consequences of their actions.

You see, making decisions independently is hard enough for a child. However, when faced with pressure from their peers to make a decision one way or the other, it becomes a whole new ball game.

There are so many more pressures that kids face today than ever before in history. The traditional pressures of smoking, drinking and drugs continue to pervade our society. But these days children have to engage on two different fronts: making wise decisions in person, and while using technology in the cyberworld, in particular on social media.

As a middle school teacher of 20 years, I have seen the evolution of challenges and the social pressures and expectations that kids face. Peer pressure to look and act a certain way, say the right things to be accepted into the “in-crowd,” play the “cool” games everyone else is playing, wear the latest designer clothing brands everyone else is wearing, and — nowadays — partake in the social media forums everyone else is taking part in. [Click here to read the full article] – originally published for www.afineparent.com

To an Empowered Future Leader of the World!

Six Things to Ditch This New Year

A

s you reflect back on your Snapchat year in review, you may be wondering what to expect for the New Year. This past year proved to be a time of change for our country. We experienced a fluctuation between what some may consider a loss of semblance for dealing with prominent issues, while others would claim it to be a long awaited bolster in our economic infrastructure.

While uncertainty continues to persist (and when doesn’t it) for the future of our country, void of any major catastrophes, you should be poised for an extraordinary year ahead. In order to stake your claim and position yourself to accomplish your goals and take your life in the direction you envision, there are some housecleaning items that you must square away to best leverage yourself for a healthy and happy New Year!

Here are the SIX THINGS TO DITCH THIS NEW YEAR!

1. Toxic Chemicals in Your Home

Set your home up for success. Don’t wait for someone to come down sick or for something to rear its ugly face and go wrong and then decide to do something about it. I live in a community that possesses a number of known chemicals in the water that are cancer-causing, which, I may add, really challenges my ability to pronounce correctly, such as bromodichloromethane, chloroform, chromium, dibromochloromethane, and a variety of trihalomethanes. It is important to know what you are consuming on a regular basis and be aware of your options for clean drinking water. I am currently researching various high quality home water filtration systems that not only remove heavy metals, asbestos, coliforms and other contaminants leached into the water, but also the above mentioned carcinogens and this is something I highly recommend you look into as well, especially if you have city-treated water. I do welcome your advice if you have recommendations for an effective system that satisfies these needs.

If you have a furnace filter, check it monthly and change it when it gets dirty. This will help extend the life of your furnace and save money on your utility bills. Choose alternatives to plastics where you can, and go glass for storage as much as possible. Try and avoid Teflon (non-stick) cookware or at least turn down the heat when cooking with these products. Non-stick cookware is made using a carcinogenic chemical known as perfluorooctanoic acid (PFOA). When you cook with a non-stick pot or pan, harmful fumes are released, especially when pans overheat, which are toxic to the body.1

Furthermore, choose furniture that doesn’t contain flame retardant chemicals that are endocrine system disruptors. To keep your home clean, avoid using mainstream cleaning supplies. You can use white vinegar, baking soda, and lemon juice (to name a few) that will do the job. It’s cheap, effective, environmentally friendly and non-toxic.

2. Unhealthy Eating Habits

We all know that this is the time of year where we are coming off those family and work-related holiday parties where all the goodies from cookies to cakes and other pastries were readily available at your fingertips. It is amazing how we, as a society, are addicted to sugar in all its forms. The American Heart Association recommends a limit of 6 teaspoons a day of sugar for women and 9 teaspoons for men, yet we tip the scale by consuming between 20-24 teaspoons a day, on average.2 With all the added sugars hidden in food, we are consuming more than we ever have before in history, which experts claim is a large contributor to the obesity crisis.

In general, limit or avoid foods that contain corn syrup, corn sweeteners, and a multitude of sugar molecules ending in “ose” – such as dextrose, sucrose, maltose, glucose, fructose. Long story short, limit purchasing processed foods that come in a box and consume whole food products.

3. Toxic People

It is easy to get caught up in other people’s dramas and pulled into their quagmire of problems.  However, as American writer and political activist Charles W. Chesnutt once proclaimed, “There’s time enough, but none to spare.” Who you spend your time with and how you spend your time and focus your energy will determine your state of mind and direction of your life.

Don’t be afraid to establish healthy boundaries with others and set the record straight once and for all. Toxic people aren’t looking out for your best interests. They are motivated by their own fears and spider web of troubles and can easily draw people in and entangle them into their crises. They will give you a lot to be angry, guilty, and sad about (if you let them) and wouldn’t mind for you to jump on board their “Misery Train.”  It may not be easy to simply dismiss these people from your life, but putting up and maintaining boundaries is the first crucial step and surrounding yourself with uplifting, positive, and happy people will help you ultimately break free.

4. Negative Thinking

The beauty of a New Year is that we get to hit the refresh button all over again and refocus our mind, body, and spirit with a renewed and positive outlook on life. The only problem is that 95% of our thoughts today are exactly what they were yesterday and 80% of them are negative. My solution to that is to lay it all out in the open. Some people can clear their minds by talking it out. Others meditate, some hit the gym, while others take a walk and focus on what they are grateful for. Personally, I’ve noticed that writing down my thoughts and how I feel can be extraordinarily powerful.

My suggestion to you is to take your thoughts, both positive and negative, and write them down on paper. One at a time. Go ahead…beat yourself up, praise yourself, express any and all thoughts down on paper about anything and everything that you feel. Cut out each one separately and read it out aloud to yourself. I would do this in a private setting so you can be free to express with complete truth and expression as to how you are feeling.

After you’ve read one, place it either in the “to keep” pile or “to discard” pile. For the ones you don’t want to keep, put them in a frequently visited place in the house to serve as a constant reminder of all the good in your life. Take the ones you want to discard and tear them up, one at a time, and throw them in the garbage – to rid once and for all. Whether it be a relationship, an unfulfilled or failed goal, or someone who has wronged you, you need a sense of closure to these matters in order to truly move forward and close the door on these chapters of your life. We all do!

5. Excuses

Ah, excuses, excuses, excuses! What better means to justify why we should have that piece of cake we know is bad for us or why we can’t make it to the gym again today. Yes, I will admit…guilty as charged!  It is easy to blame someone or a situation for why you didn’t do, did do, should have, or shouldn’t have done this or that.

First off, be honest with yourself and second off, give yourself a break. Be kind to yourself and talk about what you want to accomplish, the obstacles that may get in your way, and formulate a plan to achieve your goals. If you don’t know  by now, I’m a big fan of  the paper and pencil. Writing down your goals on paper is about gaining a vision and holding yourself accountable for your actions. It also turns the obscure into something real and palpable.

6. Phone

Yeah, I know… leaving your phone behind is like “Mission Impossible” these days. Everywhere we turn these days, it seems as if someone is making a text, talking on the phone, checking the weather, reading an article, listening to music, hanging out on social media somewhere…all on our electronic gadgets.

Although phone use has pervaded into an overwhelming and exhausting portion of our daily activities, perhaps of greater concern is the effect that cell phone use has on the quality of our interactions with others. Research has shown that having electronic devices out when spending time with someone sends a nonverbal message of devaluing the person you are with, by answering the call or responding to the text. People have more meaningful conversations and report higher levels of trust and empathy when they speak with people who do not attend to their devices during the conversation.3  The moral of the story – we all know of course – is to limit time spent on social media and overall electronic use and do something that will enrich our lives and the quality of our relationships with those individuals we are actually spending time with, in person!

For a complete guide to help you and your family’s overall well-being, from all things healthy home to eating, moving, sleeping, and thinking well strategies, grab a free copy of my 25-page WHOLE LOTTA LIVING GUIDE here.

If your New Year’s goal is to regain balance, joy, and happiness in your life, all while handling life’s day-to-day responsibilities, or you know someone who is interested to take their life to greater heights this year, check out my new program “30 Days to Finding You.” I walk you through my 10-Step Personal Happiness Formula that you can apply specific to your lifestyle, starting today. Click here to learn more. 

To a Healthy, Fearless, and Fulfilling New Year!

Sources:

 1. “Non-Stick Cookware Dangers: Hundreds of Scientists Issue Warning.” Mercola.com, articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2015/06/03/non-stick-cookware-dangers.aspx.

2. Sugar 101, www.heart.org/HEARTORG/HealthyLiving/HealthyEating/Nutrition/Sugar-101_UCM_306024_Article.jsp#.

3. “Can You Connect with Me Now? How the Presence of Mobile Communication Technology Influences Face-to-Face Conversation Quality.” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407512453827.

Three Steps to Living the Life You Imagine

when you wake up in the morning, how do you feel? Exhausted? Dreading to get up and go to work? Or do you feel invigorated and ready to go for the day? Why is it that some people feel energized and excited to take on the world most days and others are on auto pilot, feeling like they are doing the same old same old, just another day? Personal development coach Jim Rohn once said that the big challenge of life is, “You can have more than you got because you can become more than you are.” The other side of the coin is, “Unless you change who you are, you will always have what you got.”

The three steps I am going to share with you have helped me in my personal and professional life and can work for you. No matter what phase of life and situation you are presently in, taking these three steps can catapult you from where you are to where you want to be and who you want to become.

1. Know Your Outcome

Not everything in life warrants knowing an outcome. However, if you are looking to make a significant change, grow, and make progress in some area of your life, you must know the result you are looking to obtain.

For instance:

  • When you go to work each day, do you have an outcome in mind as to the difference you want to make?
  • When you speak with your children, do you have an outcome as to what you want them to take away from the conversation?
  • If you are looking to get a better job, do you know what you are looking to get out of the job and how you want to feel?
  • If you are looking to get into better shape, do you know what that exactly looks like?

2. Know Your Why 

So the million dollar question is: “How do you go from where you are today to where you want to be?” My answer is simple: by deciding on the person you want to become. We are all pulled in a bunch of directions each day and can easily be influenced by our environment. It all starts by having a foundation of purpose set firmly in place. From there, everything else in your life can be constructed. How strong you build that foundation is determined by the amount of work you are willing to put into your personal development. That means your thoughts, your actions, your core beliefs about yourself, others, and the world around you. By doing this, you will attract like amount in success. This goes for everything in your life. Success at your work, success in your finances, success in your relationships, success in your health… you name it!

3. Set Goals and Take Action

How many times in life have you daydreamed about having more or improving your life in some fashion?  Maybe you wondered how you could have a better relationship with your significant other or your child. Or you are trying to figure out how to attract the right person into your life and live happily ever after. Maybe you look at yourself in the mirror and aren’t happy with what you see and need to lose some weight and get your health in order. No matter what you desire, the question that will determine whether you take action or not is, “What is your plan?”

Having goals written down is a crucial step that will help you achieve your desired outcome. In the beginning, setting goals is fun. It’s a challenge most people look forward to going after. But as time goes on, you will be tested to see if you will stay on track and go the distance. This is where most people fail. Just think about most New Year’s Resolutions that are made and how quickly they are broken.  Why is that? Very simple.

Equation for failure = NO OUTCOME + NO PURPOSE + NO GOALS + NO ACTION

So when you know your outcome (what results you desire), you know your why (what your purpose is for doing this), and then you go ahead and set goals (dreams with a deadline) and  take action (on a consistent basis), you are on your way to living the life you imagine. Your ultimate challenge in this quest for a better life is to appreciate what you have at this very moment and “fall in love” with the process along the way. There is no doubt that to achieve anything of value, you will be tested emotionally and physically. Now it’s time to get started!

In my program “30 Days to Finding You.” I walk you through my 10-Step Personal Happiness Formula that you can apply to your life and implement these principles to ensure that you stay the course and achieve your dreams. Click here to learn more.

To A Happier and More Fulfilled YOU!

A Top 5 Back-To-School Checklist

Staying up late watching television or hanging out with friends is reaching its end for millions of children as they embark upon going back-to-school. As the summer winds down in anticipation for the start of a new school year, you want to make sure that you have your ducks in a row to help your child get on the fast track to success.

  1. Safe and Quality Education

With all of the changes going on in education and push for high quality education, at the top of your priority should be the quality of the education system that your child attends. A safe and secure environment is number one these days, yet also an enriching, equal opportunity for all students to succeed is very important. The efforts to continue with educational cuts makes it very difficult for students to get the resources and attention they need to succeed to their fullest potential. Over the years, parents I’ve spoken with have asked me about additional resources to help their children get ahead, whether it’s free resources online, different games to help them better learn, or various educational apps.

I’ve used interactive apps, games, and resources that are free with my students, such as Google Classroom, Edmodo, Edpuzzle, Quizlet, Kahoot, Quizizz, and PBS Learning Media to name a few. Even getting a subscription to Scholastic for my classroom has allowed students to go and explore different topics and become more engaged into the subject matter.

At this point in the school year, I would advise to reach out to your child’s teacher(s) and introduce yourself. Building a rapport early on in the school year can help prevent any potential problems from taking place. It also alleviates any anxiety and clears up any confusion as to what to expect inside your child’s classroom(s).

  1. Meal Planning

The school year is a busy time and providing healthy lunches on a consistent basis can be a challenge. One strategy to developing new, creative ideas is to get your child involved in making a weekly list. This will take away some of the stress of you having to think of everything for lunch and dinner. If you are concerned that your child will not come up with any healthy options, you can provide them with a few choices and go from there. A website that I came across which you may like is “The Creative Bite.” They provides a weekly meal plan of healthy, creative options for recipes for all kinds of foods. The website offers different snack ideas and has a space to write down your nutritional goals for each day of the week.

  1. Back-to-School Clothing and Supplies

A Deloitte’s Back to School Survey shows that 29 million households will likely spend $27.6 billion this year, with households planning to spend more than double in-store compared to online.1 This calculates out to an average of $510 per child. Talk about breaking the bank!

This time of the year can be one of the biggest spending periods and at the same time can also be a great teaching moment about financial responsibility.  Kids want the best in fashion and understandably so with all of the pressure to fit in with their peers. However, children should learn the value of money and the basics to budgeting at a young age.

  1. Before and After School Care

Depending on your situation, you may be concerned with where to put your child before and/or after school. In addition to providing a morning and afternoon routine, before and after school programs offer school-age children various opportunities and experiences. Many programs focus on providing a comfortable, yet stimulating environment that offers life skills, recreational activities, physical activity, homework support, team-building activities, and also breakfast and various nutritional snacks.

If getting your child from point A to point B is an issue, there are many reputable services that offer transportation for kids. Care.com is an excellent resource that provides a list of child care providers in your area, along with their qualifications, such as CPR/First Aid certified, experience with different children (ages and various issues), if they are comfortable with pets, non-smoker, their willingness to travel, clean, meal prep, etc.

  1. Social and Emotional Issues

Peer pressure and bullying in all of its forms these days are major concerns. They are arguably the biggest concerns on a child’s mind in going back-to-school. Staying on top of what children are doing online, knowing their peer group and having open and honest conversations each day about their day serve as pillars of support for a child’s overall social and emotional well-being. There are many online resources that can help you teach your kids how to identify bullying and stand up to it safely.

In my best-selling book, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens, I discuss strategies to help parents become aware of what their kids are doing online and help tackle the issue of bullying.

To A Great School Year for You and Your Children!

Sources:

  1. Sides, Rodney R., and Rod. “2018 Back-to-School Survey and Shopping Trends.” Deloitte United States, 9 Aug. 2018, www2.deloitte.com/us/en/pages/consumer-business/articles/back-to-school-survey.html.

Helping Your Child Deal With Toxic Stress

STRESS… a five letter word that we all deal with at some level and have to learn how manage throughout our lives. We know that stress is a silent killer and can cause lasting negative emotional and physical changes on us. However, stress is not created equally and it is important to understand the different types of  responses our bodies have in dealing with stress and ways to prevent stress from becoming toxic and long-lived.

When a child says that they are afraid of giving a presentation in front of the classroom to their peers versus being scared to go to school for fear of being bullied, those are two different kinds of stressors — the former being considered “normal and healthy” and the latter “abnormal and potentially debilitating.”

A child is especially susceptible to the negative effects of prolonged stress. This blog focuses on the following three aspects related to stress and its impact on children:

  • Understanding the main types of stress responses
  • Examining how each response can affect a child’s overall well-being
  • What can be done to help prevent toxic stress

Three Main Types of Stress Responses

Positive stress response – Let’s say your child is about to play piano in a musical performance in a few hours.  The anticipation leading up to that event can produce an increase in heart rate and a mild increase in stress hormone levels. These feelings are completely normal and essential for healthy development.

Tolerable stress response – When a child experiences a more serious event, such as the loss of a loved one or a serious bodily injury, the body’s nervous system is activated to a greater degree and stress levels rise. With support from close adults, the effects from the stressful situation or event will subside and the body will recover back to its normal state.

Toxic stress response – Recurring, prolonged, long-lasting stressful events, such as physical or emotional abuse, neglect, substance abuse, exposure to violence or mental illness without consistent, adequate adult support, can lead to significant disruptions in brain development and other organ systems. These effects include developmental delays, cognitive impairment, and stress-related diseases throughout adulthood.

Ways to Help Prevent Toxic Stress

Here are some ways to help prevent the effects of toxic stress from impacting your child:

Have a Support System for Your Child

The importance of a support system is paramount for a child overcoming the effects of stress. We see that toxic stress can affect children in different ways. Kids need a safe place to turn to where they feel protected, reassured, and supported both emotionally and physically.

Remove Chronic Stress

Remove the chronic stressor(s) or adverse situation from your child’s life as soon as possible.  I have worked with children and their families that have endured extreme poverty, food scarcity, neglect, abuse, and/or violence in the home. Research has shown that toxic stress can harm the brain and other organ systems of these children at any point in development. However, when the events happen early on in a child’s life, they have more of a profound and lasting impact. These adverse effects may not become apparent until adulthood.1

Teach Children Resiliency

The ability to properly cope with and adapt to adverse situations, despite the present conditions, plays a huge role in dealing with toxic stress. Research has shown that children with higher resilience have higher IQ scores, well-balanced temperaments and self-control, positive self-concept, greater empathy, and problem-solving skills.2

Engage a Child in Healthy Response Outlets

Again, all children react differently to stress. The variety of stress that children deal with on a daily basis varies. Students that I’ve taught, mentored and coached over the years who had poor social support from their primary caregivers and/or their peers and suffered from prolonged stress developed maladaptive behaviors in response to this stress. The fundamental principle in handling stress is having an effective outlet to release it. Some children release stress most effectively by engaging in different physical activities, such as sports, karate, dancing, etc. Others go within and express their feelings through writing or drawing.

One universal tool that I use in the classroom with my students is mindful relaxation response techniques. Conscious efforts to breathe deeply and slowly help slow down heart rate, reduce blood pressure, and decrease stress hormone levels. Guided imagery about positive outcomes to potentially stressful events is another technique I use to help children deal with anxious or stressful situations.

Developing coping mechanisms for stress take time and regular practice. A consistent implementation of these techniques in safe environments help produce the best sustainability for a long-lasting positive outcome for helping a child best handle stress.

Talk to Your Child’s Pediatrician

Your child’s pediatrician can be an excellent resource for meeting not only your child’s needs, but the needs of you and each family member’s in order to adequately structure an environment conducive for your child’s overall physical and emotional growth and well-being.

In my best-selling book, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens, I discuss ways to help your child develop the skills necessary to effectively handle different types of stress and challenges in their life so they can thrive in all they do and fulfill their greatest potential.

To Detoxing From the Stress of You and Your Child’s Worlds!

Sources:

1. “Stress.” Alberta Family Wellness Initiative, Accessed July 9, 2018, www.albertafamilywellness.org/what-we-know/stress.

 

2. Cowen E.L., Wyman P.A., Work W.C. Resilience in highly stressed urban children: concepts and findings. Bull. N. Y. Acad. Med. 1996;73:267–284.

5 Ways to Start the Conversation with a Child

It is apparent that kids these days are dealing with a new set of problems on top of the old traditional issues that persist among today’s youth — from smoking, drinking, and substance abuse to cyberbullying and the (mis)use of various social media platforms. From mental health concerns, suicide, school violence, sexual assault to LGBT-related, the list goes on and on. These topics are boiling up inside millions of youth who are in need of platforms to express their voices.

How often do we see children running to adults and sharing their feelings? In the hit series 13 Reasons Why, there are some very graphic depictions of youth engaging in dangerous behaviors. The magnitude to which these issues affect kids warrant conversations in order to prevent or help someone in crisis.

Getting into a child’s mind and knowing what they are truly feeling, isn’t always easy. As a school teacher and someone who has worked with tween and teenage children for nearly two decades, I am aware of these problems and see that they must be addressed. I will admit that sometimes, it is difficult to hear what they have to say and I don’t necessarily have all the answers for them.

However, I recommend for parents, teachers, counselors, and mental health professionals who regularly are surrounded by children to start the tough conversations early. I realize that not all adults possess the tools necessary to know how to start these conversations and that is what inspired me to write this blog. You can never be sure of how someone is feeling. This is why it is important to have these discussions. It could sometimes be a matter of life and death.

1. “Actively” Listen

 For a child to share their feelings with someone else requires a level of trust. For kids, trust is earned and can be easily lost. To gain the trust and respect of a child, they need to know that you care and are there to listen to their concerns. Active listening goes beyond just hearing what someone has to say and preaching back to them what and how they should do it. It is important to convey the message to a child that they have been heard and understood. In order to do this, a valuable technique is to acknowledge the message by making eye contact with a child and restating the message shared in your own words back to the child. This way of responding with reflection shows the child that you care and are paying attention to the details. This often opens up the door for them to want to share more and have a deeper conversation.

2. Demonstrate Empathy

It is common for a child and especially a teenager to think that no one understands their situation. Finding a way to relate with what children are going through, can be a big step for them to open up with you. Each child is different and will communicate with you in their own way and at their own pace. The key is not to change when and how much they talk, but to create a safe space for when they feel comfortable and are ready to have a conversation. I’ve noticed that when children feel they aren’t alone in their problems, they oftentimes open up about what is bothering them. This offers many children a sense of hope and in some cases, recovery.

3. Find the “in between” time to talk

Having a conversation with a child should feel natural. Finding that “in between” time, such as before or after school, at the dinner table, driving to a sports practice or music lesson, playing a game together, preparing a family meal or right before bedtime is a way to discuss important issues in a more casual setting.

4. Allow a Child to Speak Freely Without Judgment

It’s hard enough for a child to open up to adults about how they are truly feeling, let alone have to feel that their words will be analyzed, evaluated and held against them. The goal is to ultimately help a child resolve his or her own issues. By refraining from judgment and keeping the conversation flowing back and forth freely, a child will feel “on the level” with who is listening, rather than feeling inferior in any which way. Just by letting a child know that you are emotionally available and can talk with them openly about anything can make a big difference.

5. Ask Your Child for Advice

There is this notion that children should come to their parents for input and advice. While that may be true, reversing the roles can provide insight into what a child is thinking. Asking your child for their input empowers them and shows that you value what you have to say. This also makes the child have to formulate a response to help “solve their problem.” I feel this is an ingenious approach that we need to implement more with children. As adults, we can learn a lot from children of all ages, as they can learn from us. We all just have to start “asking” more often in order to discover and uncover those hidden treasures that can be found inside all of us.

In my best-selling book, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens, I discuss a variety of conversation starters and ways to effectively break through with your child.

To Starting the Conversation!

4 Ways to Relieve Chronic Pain

P

ain is not something anyone wants. Yet, according to the Institute of Medicine,over 100 million adults in the United States suffer from it, comprising 20-30 percent of adults.1 Managing chronic pain isn’t always easy, but you need to know the factors that contribute to this kind of persistent pain. In order to effectively treat chronic pain, you must address the mental, physical, social, and emotional pieces that make up YOU!

No matter what kind of chronic pain you may be dealing with, whether it’s fibromyalgia, chronic headaches, back pain, arthritis, bursitis, or any pain related to chronic illness, here are some ways to help you better understand the root causes of chronic pain and better formulate solutions to gain relief and reduce the intensity of the pain.

Practice Daily Relaxation

Chronic stress and chronic pain go together to challenge the body’s desire for maintaining steady state conditions.  They go together hand-in-hand where different types of stressors can impact different facets of the body and compromise well-being.  Pain and stress are both adaptive in protecting us from physical injury, starvation, or other states where our body could be at risk for getting hurt. However, the long-term effect on a person’s physiology is the consequence of chronic, repetitive stress.

Pain increases muscle tension. This, in turn, adds pressure to surrounding tissues, which exacerbate pain systemically. For this reason alone, deep breathing can serve to release built up muscle tension and remove the focus away from the pain.

Start by visualizing healing as you inhale through your nose and evoking a mental image of your body releasing any pain as you exhale through your mouth. Re-creating the sensory perception of healing is an important first step toward feeling better when dealing with chronic stress and pain.

Eat Anti-Inflammatory Foods

What you consume on a daily basis may increase or decrease your inflammatory state. Also, consuming certain foods that are “pro-inflammatory” can trigger inflammation.

Foods to avoid include:

  • refined (e.g. candy, cookies, soda, white bread, pasta)
  • processed (pre-flavored, pre-packaged foods)
  • certain oils (e.g.corn, safflower, soy, peanut)
  • red meat
  • deep-fried

These foods set you up for other chronic conditions such as heart disease, obesity, and diabetes. The foods that I would recommend, which are not only heart healthy, but also joint healthy include:

  • Fruits: including the berries (e.g. strawberries, raspberries, blueberries)
  • Cold water fish (e.g. tuna, salmon, mackerel, sardines, etc.)
  • Leafy green vegetables (e.g. spinach, kale, swiss chard, collard greens, arugula, etc.)
  • Whole grains (e.g. oats, wheat, barley, buckwheat, spelt, quinoa, millet, etc.)
  • Nuts (e.g. almonds, walnuts, macadamia nuts)
  • Seeds (e.g. chia, flax)
  • Oils (e.g. extra virgin olive oil, coconut oil, flaxseed oil, avocado oil)

Daily Dose of Laughter

Every time I watch something funny on television or in a movie, it puts everything at ease. Recently, I attended a party where I was sitting next to this one guy who was telling jokes to everyone at our table. Immediately, he put everyone at ease, which made for a great start to a very pleasant night. Research has shown that humor therapy (yes, there is such a thing) relieves chronic pain, enhances happiness and life satisfaction, and reduces loneliness among people with chronic pain.2 You may not consciously realize that your body undergoes healing every time you laugh.

The benefits to laughter include:

  • Releases endorphins (a.k.a. “happy hormones”)
  • Reduces stress hormones
  • Decreases muscle tension
  • Elevates immune system
  • Natural exercise for your heart, lungs, and muscles
  • Enhances your intake of oxygen
  • Promotes creativity
  • Improves overall health

Seek Professional Help

Depression plays a significant role in chronic pain. Seeking therapy for chronic pain can provide tools to help an individual cope and function. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) helps provide pain relief for many individuals.  I have known people who have treated their chronic pain through this approach in combination with massages, physical therapy, and/or medication and has worked well for them. Consulting with a professional can help educate individuals with chronic pain on the different options available. This level of expertise can help guide their thinking toward pain relief, as they develop further strategies that are best for their situation and how to help with pain management and pain reduction for a better quality of life.

To Pain Relief and Happiness!

 

 Sources:

  1. Khan, Talal W., and Farnad Imani. Anesthesiology and Pain Medicine, Kowsar, Feb. 2017, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5554427/.
  2. Tse, Mimi M. Y., et al. Journal of Aging Research, SAGE-Hindawi Access to Research, 2010, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2989702/ .

Why We Need LOL In Our Lives

When is the last time you remember having your belly hurt from a really good laugh out loud? Was it a day, week, month, year, or ten years ago? The sad part is that many of us go through our day all work and no play and miss out on the joy that life has to offer. We are stressed out from our jobs, family responsibilities, the happenings of the world. Despite life having its challenges, give yourself permission to have fun, see the beauty in yourself and others, and don’t forget to laugh…often. It’s good for your health!

Laughter is Good for Our Health

We’ve heard the phrase before that “Laughter is the best medicine.” Literally speaking, laughter releases “happy hormones” in the body called endorphins that help relieve pain and decrease stress. These are the same chemicals that are released when we exercise, make love, and eat pleasure foods, among other things. Furthermore, a study conducted showed that people who watched around 15 minutes of comedy increased their pain threshold by 10 percent compared to those who didn’t watch any comedy.1

Laughing helps slow down the aging process. My grandfather lived to 97 years old and had the best sense of humor from everyone I’ve known. He knew how to tell a good joke and to also not take matters so seriously. My great uncle is 101 years old and always has a smile on his face. He looks at the bright side of things, despite experiencing loss and disappointment throughout his life.

The Signs of People Who Are Anti-Laughter

Here is some food for thought. People don’t want to be around Debbie Downers or naysayers. You can tell right away who these people are. They don’t know how to loosen up and enjoy a good laugh. Oftentimes, they complain about most, if not everything, and talk about what is wrong with the world. You know how it goes, “Misery loves company.” They can talk you out of having a good time. These types are more immersed in bad things and what is going wrong than they are looking for the beauty beside them and the hope for a happy today and happier tomorrow.

If something good is going on in your life, these people don’t celebrate your victories. Instead, they try and change the subject or give you the silent treatment. When something goes wrong, they are the first to jump in and banter on about it. Like that is going to do you any good. When you are around these people, they can certainly weigh you down and put a damper on things. They can ruin the mood in the room with one flap of their vocal cords.

How to Get Your Daily Dose of Laughter

What I am trying to say is that staying joyful and being happy takes a daily dose of laughter. On my way to and from work, I always listen to something that is uplifting, inspiring, and funny. It sets the mood for the entire day and reinforces my mood halfway through the day. That’s a good one hour a day, five hours a week, twenty hours a month and around 240 hours a year of humor and uplift that I receive just by choosing to listen to these kinds of messages. Driving is certainly not a time to kill, but rather a time to heal.

We are not designed to constantly be stressed out and worrying about things. Our minds need a rest from the chatter, the distractions, and the worries of life.  Sometimes we can give our bodies a rest, but our minds are still on overdrive. We can physically be in one place, but mentally somewhere else. We are on the beach getting a tan, while talking on the phone with a potential client. We are playing a round of golf with our friends, yet checking our phone  for incoming messages, tweets, and posts.

Before you go to bed, I would recommend to do something funny. My wife got me hooked on making short videos on Snapchat. I never knew my voice could go so low or high. I never knew I could have a face that made me look like I’ve raidedt an entire Dunkin’ Donuts. If it’s watching a funny television show before you go to sleep or some funny videos on YouTube, getting a good laugh in before bedtime will help you get a more restful and uninterrupted sleep, which promotes healing and plenty of energy for the next day.

 If you are looking to regain joy and happiness into your life, download my new program “30 Days to Finding You.” I walk you through my 10-Step Personal Happiness Formula that you can apply to your life, starting today. Click here to learn more. 

To More Joy and Lots of LOL!

 

 Sources:

  1. Welsh, LiveScience Jennifer. “Why Laughter May Be the Best Pain Medicine.” Scientific American, 14 Sept. 2011, www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-laughter-may-be-the-best-pain-medicine/.

Five Things Motivated Children Do on a Regular Basis

A

 s someone who has been around and worked with children of all ages for over two decades, I can tell you that all children possess motivation of some sort, but as no surprise some kids need a push more than others. Harnessing a child’s untapped potential or desire in a useful and effective way, without offering rewards or bribes, can be a challenge. Let’s take a look at the five things that motivated children do on a regular basis and how to help instill those habits into your child’s life.

1. Work hard towards achieving set goals

Children who tend to achieve well in academics, sports, or different competitions realize the value in setting goals. This starts with a dream-like mindset about what it is they want and then planning out the steps necessary to turn their dream into a reality.

It is important to start small when setting goals. A really big goal is great! However, breaking it down into smaller goals that are shorter term make it more manageable and attainable. This goes for test preparation, project completion, a concert performance, sporting event or anything that involves practice and preparation. The key thing is for children to attain success at some level. They will soon experience a feeling of success and see the value in setting goals. From that point, a child has a platform that he can build from and complete future goals on their own.

 2. Do things without constant reminders

One of the biggest obstacles to success is prolonging getting started. That’s right…it’s the P word. You guessed it! Procrastination at its finest! I tell my students that the biggest challenge to completing their homework isn’t the level of complexity, but is literally getting it out of the backpack and putting it onto the table. I’ve learned that two things do not work with motivating children: reminding and rewarding.

Reminding and rewarding at times could be the more convenient approach to get a child to do something. However, this can get quite exhausting and expensive and does not put the onus of responsibility and decision-making on a child. Rather than constantly reminding children to get started on something, get them into a routine, which is really an expectation to complete something – starting at a certain time – with a general time frame in mind. Motivated students realize that if they get into a habit, a regular daily routine, of where and when they do homework or chores, it becomes that much easier to get started and stay motivated to complete tasks in a timely fashion.

 3. Practice a “Go-Getter” attitude from an early age

Having a “go-getter” mentality is not something that happens overnight with children. At the core of motivation is a high level of self-esteem and self-confidence in one’s ability to tackle a particular task. When a child feels that he can handle the task or challenge that lies ahead, whether it be at home, school, socially, in sports, relationships with others, he is more willing to take risks and be willing to fall or fail to achieve that goal.

Early on in my work with children, I believed that motivating children comes from something outside of the child that was given to them. I would try to motivate them through not only my words and actions, but through stories, constant encouragement, making them laugh, giving them prizes, stickers, and telling them how much I believe in them. These things can certainly influence a child’s confidence and desires and have their time and place, but rather than being a source of motivation, I realized that by doing one key thing, sparked the greatest inspiration within them, which served to be my greatest tool.

It was the one thing that my mother taught me to do when I was a little boy that would help me truly understand and gain a competency, which ultimately led toward a greater self-confidence. That is listening. Just by paying attention to someone and what they have to say, without judgment, helps build their morale, shows that you are interested in hearing what they have to say and demonstrates how much their words have value.  This is one of the best kept secrets for helping a child find their motivation and something I would recommend that you implement right away!

4. Voluntarily engage in creative activities 

Before you decide to enroll your child in every enrichment activity out there, be aware of the quality of activities you expose your child to. You want your children to feel responsible for their success. Refrain from overexposure to technology as that counteracts the creativity process in many regards. Instead, provide your children with opportunities to problem-solve, handle tasks independently, as well as collaboratively. Give them a chance to become a leader and voice their opinion through community work, contribute to caring for a garden or a pet, or create something artistic to express their innermost feelings. These kinds of activities can give them the spark they need to feel excited and motivated to try new things and pursue different ventures throughout their life. And lastly, give your child a chance to choose what they would love to do. Allow them to explore different activities and find what moves them the most.

5. Enjoy the learning process

Kids learn through many modalities. When they are young, children need to be guided through the learning process. Much of learning at a young age comes through play, movement, and imagination. Therefore, allowing a child to be physically active and use their imagination can be a great stimulus toward engaging learning. As a child gets older, integrating their passions into what they are learning can spark motivation. Connecting what a child is learning to something in the real world that affects them in some way or another, shows the relevance and worth in what they are learning. This makes them more interested in wanting to learn about something that may otherwise be boring or irrelevant to their life.

In my best-selling book, The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens, I discuss a variety of strategies to help motivate your teen or tween in all aspects of their lives, without having to nag them.

If you are looking to regain motivation for life, take things to the next level in your business or personal life, or get a fresh start and try something new in life, check out my program “30 Days to Finding You.” I walk you through my 10-Step Personal Happiness Formula that you can apply to your life, starting today. Click here to learn more. 

To More Motivation and Less Procrastination!